Dysautonomia Awareness Month

October is  dysautonomia month, for anyone who doesn't  know what dysautonomia is, its an umbrella term used to describe several conditions that cause a malfunction of the automatic nervous system (ANS) The ANS controls the automatic functions of the body we do not consciously think about such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, temperature control and kidney function, people living with several forms of dysautonomia have problems and trouble regulating these systems which causes our bodies to go haywire. Heart rate blood pressure and breathing are all effected. The condition I have is inappropriate sinus tachycardia (ist)

When I was diagnosed with ist after my second failed ablation, my cardiologist explained to me that nobody knows what exactly causes ist, and the main question always seems to be whether ist represents a primary disorder of the sinus node, or whether instead it represents a more general problem of the autonomic nervous system the condition dysautonomia, doctors all have different views on ist some still even believe the condition is related to anxiety, but as my cardiologist explained to me it was something that needed more research done to figure out the actual cause and since there's very little known about it there's no cure at the moment and its all trial and error on managing symptoms with medication, ablation of the sinus node itself can fix ist but its a temperately fix and the heart heals itself and the symptoms will return, or for some like myself end up needing pacemakers.

Suffers with inappropriate sinus tachycardia suffer from a range of symptoms such as breathlessness, fatigue, syncope, pre syncope, dizziness, blurred vision, sweating and blood pressure problems. Ist seems to effect healthy young females more than men. Getting diagnosed with ist is quite difficult and for me took over a year and endless tests such as ecg's, 24 hour tapes tilt table tests, scans, x-rays, checking my adrenaline levels by peeing in a large bottle for a whole day which was not fun and also an electrophysiology study (ep study) were all that was found was how my heart was fast constantly without a reason for it to be.

Everyone with ist is effected differently some people have very little symptoms were as others are so severely effected they have to give up work etc, I am lucky for the reason that even though ist does effect my life a lot I am blessed to have a good cardiologist who has always helped me mange my symptoms and after 3 failed ablations has put me on the list for a pacemaker which won't cure it but will help manage the symptoms and I know throughout the ist community most people aren't as lucky as me and most are just told to get on with it.


 A day in the life of a Ist sufferer…



You wake up around 7ish; you never feel refreshed in the mornings no matter how much sleep you get. It feels like you have been out drinking and partying all night as your head is absolutely pounding. You ’have only slept for about five hours as you have insomnia, and you wake up on many occasions with your heart pounding in your chest and the chest pain you actually could swear your dying. It takes you ages to find the will to get up, over an hour in fact. When you sit up,  that’'s  when your head really starts to pound and the room spins. You open the curtains, the light feels so bright it'’s  painful and you experience the bright flashes because you have terrible light sensitivity and the awful side effects from ivbradine make your eyes hurt more. You stand up to go to the toilet and your heart immediately starts pounding. By the time you’ have got to the toilet you are really out of breath, exhausted and weak; you need to sit down before you do anything else.

Making breakfast is pretty exhausting. Your heart just gets faster so fast in your chest. It'’s probably beating about 150bpm and eating it, well that just makes your heart beat even faster You can try and read or watch tv but you can only manage this for a very short period due to brain fog. Coffee is out the window as that will just increase your heart even more so you either drink water or green tea and swallow your medication.


You dread showers as they make you feel absolutely awful, The shower is cold as heat makes your heart rate increase further which is definitely not what you want and standing in the shower is a task when you feel dizzy. You sigh with relief when the shower is over. They say having Ist is like running a marathon all day every day. But showers feel like you have added an additional marathon on top of the one you were already running. You now have to rest flat out on the sofa to ease the symptoms from the shower.

Drying your hair, well the heat just makes you feel even worse and all the effort of brushing your wet tangled hair, leaves you even more exhausted you could lie down again, getting dressed well that just uses up some more of the little energy you do have left and bending down to put your socks on your freezing cold feet makes you feel faint.

Lunchtime feels much the same as breakfast. But except You’ are  even more tired and weak it feels like you’r forcing yourself to make a sandwich.. You wish you could call your friends, but you are too tired and it would probably cause you to feel worse due to over-exertion.
2pm … You’r wrecked. Time for a sleep. Back to bed you go being in bed is just amazing, It’'s probably the only time your heart calms down a little to even 100bpm if your lucky
4.30pm Your husband gets home from work. It'’s so nice to talk to someone and in my situation help me with Kian feeding him and bathing him.
7pm. You feel so rough now as your symptoms just get worse the more tiered you get You’r dizzy, fatigued feel sick and your heart just wont stop You cook dinner
By 7:30pm you’r too tired to do anything. You want to go to bed there and then but it'’s too early and you would’n't sleep. So you curl up on the sofa and try and watch some telly for me its catching up on hollyoaks or pretty little liars.
Bedtime involves falling into bed exhausted, weak and frustrated feeling like you have achieved very little.
Can you imagine living like this everyday? It'’s probably hard to imagine if your so well. But for people with ist almost everyday is living like your running a marathon, and for me that is how my life has been. You have good days and bad days, bad days when you faint and you can barely get out of bed and good days even though your heart still races you do have energy to do things but its still difficult and I like to tell people I can and I will but it may just take me a little longer.


I really hope this provides a better understanding of dysautomania and ist and you can help me spread awareness by sharing and as I have said before hopefully one day more research will be done on ist.

                                          
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Surviving motherhood with a chronic illness

Being a mum is one of the most greatest gifts in life and is full of joy  but it comes with its fair share of challenges, but when you have a chronic illness, parenting has a whole new set of challenges and worries, along with new highs and lows, not just yours but there's, repeating the word no a million times, dealing with lost shoes, socks and dummy's, the never ending chores and washing pile, the temper tantrums at bedtime and when they cant get there own way, can take its toll mentally and physically, but how do you look after a baby when you can barely look after yourself some days, and just want to sleep the day away, how can you juggle  doctor, and hospital appointments and a baby all at the same time. A few times I had been called superwoman for doing it all myself especially after my ablation, being to stubborn to ask for help and support or simply because I feel guilty leaving Kian , but if there's anything I have learnt you have to be well enough yourself to look after them, like on a plane the cabin crew use the ' fit your own masks before helping others' and that's such a big thing when it comes to being a parent with a chronic illness, and its took me a long time to actually find a balance with the whole spoon theory and being a mum, you can't just take a nap and gain some spoons back your on the job 24/7, no coffee breaks except for a good nights sleep if your lucky and its such a true saying of needing eyes on the back of your head.

 When I was pregnant, everyone would go on about the labour and  birth and I spent my whole pregnancy absolutely terrified, preparing for what was about to come, from the excruciating pain to becoming a shell of my former self , but labour is the easiest part you can take all the drugs to help ease the pain of labour and having your baby like everyone says you forget the pain, crying because your actually happy is something you can't control the first time you set eyes on the bundle of joy you carried and felt wriggle inside you for the 9 months , but nobody warns you or prepares you for how difficult and challenging being a mum is, there's no drugs for that and being a sick mummy means the road is even more bumpy but its all about learning and doing things a little different.

I wanted to share some of the things I do and that's helped me with my heart problems, It is not a choice to be a parent  living with chronic problem, You did not choose to be chronically ill, so get rid of any guilt that is eating away at you, you wont always be the best parent, partner or friend but nobody is  perfect, Remind those around you, especially the children in your life, that you love them and that you are there for them. It may not be in the ways that you had originally planned or hoped, but it is no less valuable or meaningful, a cuddle or reading a story wiping the grazed knees, saying I love you and above all just being there when they need you is the most powerful thing you can do as a mum Take each day as it comes and let the expectations of what you ‘should’ be doing fall by the wayside. Try to live in the present and find the balance in your life, focusing on all the good things. This attitude will  help you go a long way towards maintaining a positive outlook to being a mum with a chronic condition.

Its ok to ask for help, it doesn't make you a failure

I was never one to ask or admit I needed help and always tried to do it all on my own, the fear that it made me a bad parent the thought of failing Kian but not asking for help just made my health worse
I was exhausted mentally and physically which all just made my heart ten times worse which just meant I ended up in hospital or to unwell to look after Kian at all, and it wasn't nice been stuck in hospital away from him for a few days, were if I had just accepted or ask for help in the first place I wouldn't have became so exhausted So I guess what am trying to say is rule number 1 it doesn't make you a bad person asking for help if you need it, everyone needs  help and by asking for help its helping you which in turn is also helping out the little one, and something I learned is nobody judges or thinks any less of you by asking for a helping hand.

Find the balance

Parenthood and chronic illness becomes a huge part of your identity and both can fight for control over your whole life, your time, energy, and some days, sanity, and its frustrating, Kian only being a baby he doesn't understand so I learned I can't blame him when I do want or need an extra 5 minutes in bed or a rest and just leaning to adapt helps, I found taking him along to a local play cafe were its all mats and baby proofed I could let him crawl about  and play and I could sit on the comfy  sofa with a cup of tea and just switch off for that 5 seconds without the worry of him hurting himself, and the added bonus there's other children there which meant a cup of tea without a baby grabbing onto my leg demanding me to play so always make sure that you take care of your own personal well being, as well as caring for others these are all important to finding the balance.



Get the extra support that's out there

I was amazed at how much support is out there for mums and dads who do need extra support wither it be down to an illness being a single parent or even just finding the whole thing difficult there's so much out there from places to go and speak to someone, wither it be lacking confidence to go out and do things, or just to talk to a friendly face, there is support were you wouldn't be judged health visitors and your own doctor can guide you in the right direction, even reaching out to other people via support groups who are going through similar struggles  can provide the emotional support needed to get through the toughest of days and be a great source of encouragement and advice, and its a great way to meet new understanding friends.


Know your limits, don't over do it

If you are having a bad day or you feel like your running low on spoons order a  take away for dinner ignore the house work  it can all wait. Your health and well-being are more important than a dirty-dish-filled sink or a messy floors,  don't focus on the negatives this is understandably more easily said than done, but understand that you are not your illness. The ability to find some good in even the smallest things can change your life on a daily basis, its amazing how changing your mind set can help mentally as well as physically Rome wasn't built in a day and if you start looking at life from that view you will realise you will get there eventually just knowing your limits and boundaries.

Limit children to one baby proof room

Limiting small kids to one room and baby proofing it can make things manageable when your having a bad day, I found getting down on the floor to there level and hunting and moving anything and everything that could become broken or go in small mouths and putting a stair gate on the door, I didn't bother with fire guards instead blocked the fire place and TV with the coffee table and large toys that stopped Kian been able to get through, yeah my living room looks so untidy with toys and things everywhere but it makes it great for a day when you need to lie back on the sofa and you can still keep little ones in your line of vision and buy using large toys and things is also saving the cost, you will feel like superwoman not only managing to lie down to feel better but also managing to look after the little one to.

Learn to put your needs first

I know this sounds such an awful thing to say and obviously being a parent your child is your number 1 priority but be assured, it is a good step in achieving optimum levels of health, both physically and mentally, You cannot be your best for others if you are not your best for yourself. Find time for a quick bath, listing to some music just doing anything that you enjoy doing yourself wither it be when the kids are asleep or letting the hubby take over for a night putting your needs first will improve your health its amazing what recharging your batteries can do.

Kids get bored at appointments

Having a chronic condition means the endless trips to appointments, its no fun getting an ecg done and having a screaming bored baby in the pram, I always try to get someone to look after Kian which is the easiest thing to do but isn't always possible and on many occasions I have been trying to listen and discuss my heath with doctors and Kians been crawling round the room, sometimes I have had to feed him a bottle just to get him to sit and sometimes I have even found myself apologising to doctors for Kian's behaviour but there kids they get bored hospitals are warm and stuffy so who can blame them, one tip I always found was giving Kian a new toy to play with it doesn't have to be anything expensive, and its normally the small silly things they like the best like Kian's favourite is spoons or anything that makes noise and that helps see him through the appointment, there's always the bonus that everyone is aways so friendly and chats away when you have children with you, and on some occasions Kian has even got some penny's for his piggy bank, so I suppose it isn't all bad if you do have to take them with you.

Don't be afraid to go to groups.

This was one I wish I had done sooner with Kian, just because you hear the word toddler groups etc you think running around 3 year old's but actually there's something out there for all ages and by getting out meeting new mums and children is such a good way to discuss parenting its also good for the kids to meet other children and learn to share etc from a young age and I found also kept me sane because it can be a long boring day when you do feel well enough to venture, I found everyone was so friendly at groups and if I was left sitting alone the teacher of the group would always come and make  chat anyway and by going to one group you learn of others and its great fun playing with messy play and getting involved it kills a few hours and keeps the kids amused,  places like the library, museum and park are also good and totally free or the good old favourite a walk, all the groups you do pay for are mostly small donations so one week if you are having a bad day it doesn't matter if you don't go.

Always remember the struggle won't be forever,  so don't ever let a chronic condition stop you having the greatest gift in life and that is having someone call you mum.

                                                                   
                                                           The last time


From the moment, you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same, you might long for the person you were before when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before and days will run into days that are exactly the same full of feedings and burping, crying and nappy changes, whining and fighting naps or lack of naps it might seem like a never ending cycle

but don't forget there is time for everything, there will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time. They will fall asleep on you after a long day and will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and never pick them up that way again. You will scrub their hair in the bath one night and from that day on they will want to bath alone. They will hold your hand to cross the road then never reach out for it again, they will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles and it will be the last time you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing the wheels on the bus and do all the actions then never sing them that song again, they will kiss you goodbye at the school gate the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone. You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face. They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is you won't even know its the last time until there are no more times, and even then it will take you a while to realise, so while you are living in these times, always remember there are only so many of them and when there gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them one last time.

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unfit for work 2 years post ablation

I'm pushing myself so hard to keep this blog updated for lots of reasons but the main one is because Its my own diary and my journey were I can say how I feel, highs and lows and I know with each post I write I am closer to being were I want to be, and the biggest one is being fit enough to return to work with a better working heart.

Things have been crazy hard, I feel like I am playing catch up because there's so much that I haven't blogged about, life is full of ups and downs all the time and that's how things have been since my last update, health wise things haven't been to bad, I have had  another kidney infection but a week of antibiotics and I felt a million times better which was amazing considering I am still not on any medication for my heart as my cardiologist feels until I have a pacemaker its just to dangerous so I am still having to just ignore and get on with the horrible symtoms, It was the weekend the doctors was closed so I had phoned nhs 24 I knew straight away I had another infection with the amount of pain I was in I spent the whole night being awake doubled over in pain, they gave me an appointment right away at the hospital taking my heart rate the nurse commented how fast my heart was where I had to explain I had heart problems and that was normal for me confirming  I did have a kidney infection and giving me antibiotics I actually felt chuffed that my heart was fast but it wasn't overly fast to the point I felt faint or dizzy because normally I faint before I even know I have an infection so that was a huge bonus and an even bigger bonus when I wasn't addmitted into hospital for iv antibiotics and once I had finished the antibiotics I felt back to my normal self. My maternity leave is coming to an end soon and a few months back I went along to see the occupational health doctor were I was declared unfit to work writing to my cardiologist for advice and requesting to see my medical notes I had another appointment on Tuesday were again I was still declared unfit to return to work, I felt like someone had kicked me hard in the stomach and found myself fighting back the tears as I sat in the room along with my heart being so bad at the moment I also have contact dermatitis  on my hand which until that also clears up I can't resume, I have always liked having my own independence and making my own money and especially now I want to work to provide for Kian as best as I can and found the same scenario slapping me in the face again, of what I physically want to do against what I am able to do except I do feel able and want to return to work  The doctor mentioned that she understood how frustrating this all must be but I just kept thinking she couldn't possibly understand, how could she understand the frustrating of feeling able and well but your being told your not well enough to work. I think the hardest part of it all is thinking if none of it ever gets better is it going to be like a roundabout and that I just keep going round in the same circle of being fit one minute and not the next but she said hopefully once I have the pacemaker and I get back on medication for the fast rhythms things should be ok and it shouldn't stop me going back, but she did mention if things didn't improve I should always think ahead of the next step and maybe look at a less demanding job Also Kians birthdays coming up soon and people keep saying he wouldn't remember it but I want to make it special, but going over in my head how can I make it special when things are so tight and were living off dougies wage just made me feel that little bit more rubbish about not been aloud back to work but I guess he doesn't need lots of gifts or a huge party to make it special, and slowly found myself accepting it all wont be forever and hopefully my health will improve

September the 23rd marked  2 years since my first failed ablation and like I always mentioned in my blog I always questioned why was it fair ? Why did everyone else leave that day
fixed yet I didn't but I feel mentally its took a long time but I feel I am learning to accept it all better walking upto the doctors on Friday morning the chest pain, breathless just walking up the hill I thought back to the days were I could just walk and manage but I realize thinking of all the negatives is just making me more miserable which isn't helping anyone and it wouldn't change things, life is to short to be miserable, and losing my uncle a few weeks before which was so sudden gave me that wake up call I needed to stop dwelling on things.

My kind amazing uncle jimmy passed away the one picture I have of him and Kian at easter is something I will treasure forever.

I have always spoke about wanting to raise awareness and on Thursday mine and dougie's 10k was in the Scotsman newspaper, I was a little disappointed that the papers changed the story that the charity had drafted up, and its such a true saying never believe everything you read, but at least it raised some awareness and I hope it will encourage others to donate or even raise some money.

here is the link for anyone who wants to have a read.

http://www.scotsman.com/news/young-mum-with-heart-defect-runs-10k-for-charity-1-3897062



I have been getting out more and enjoying spending time with Kian going to baby and toddler groups, bookbugs at the library and baby peeps anything to keep busy and keep me sane until my pacemaker surgery, like I have said before its so easy to become a shadow of the person you once used to be,  I fell and got lost, I guess it was so hard to see the positives when your in such a dark place, so for now I am focusing on enjoying my time with Kian until I am fit enough to return to work which I know won't be forever.

                                                    
Of Course I can't forget to update on Kian who is now over 10 months old time really has just flew in I can't believe how quickly he's growing and becoming his own little person, he is now good at crawling tries to walk and can do it holding on but hasn't yet found his balance to do it unaided, he now weighs 18lb 9oz still smaller than average babies his age but I think Kian will always just be little, my nana always used to say smaller babies come on faster and looking at Kian I do believe that he will now play peekaboo with you were he uses his blanket to cover his face and then pulls it away and laughs he now has 2 bottom teeth and one top tooth, he makes everyday so special and my main reason I want to go back to work is to provide for him I hate the thought of leaving him as It will really feel like a part of me is missing but I guess thats part of being a mummy I can't believe he's nearly one I just feel like I have blinked and my tiny baby is gone.

Kian at 6 weeks old and 9 months old still smiling



Kian at 10 weeks old, the teddy update is slowly becoming difficult
because he won't sit still and was not happy here when I finally got him to
sit

 

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Added to the waiting List for a pacemaker

After my last blog post, I managed to enjoy and be a part of my friends wedding despite how bad my health had been just a few days before, The zio monitor I had been fitted with was such a hassle, the day after it was fitted it started to peel off so I had to stick it down with tape just to stop the orange light from flashing as we were leaving to go to Tamworth that day so I refused to go back to the hospital, I kept it on for the full 14 days like my cardiologist had asked and wearing it at the wedding I even forget it was there,the only down side was when I removed it my skin had took a reaction to it and I was left with broken red skin, wearing the monitor I had been fine no faints no dizziness apart from one spell when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't breath,. The day I posted the monitor I received my appointment to see my cardiologist on the Thursday, were the night before I was awake half the night with worry, when Dougie asked me what I was so worried about,I said to him its what's next, the fear of anymore procedures or the fear of been told there's nothing more they can do, and like many with this condition the fear of been told to just get on with it is the worst thing you can hear.



Some pictures from my lovely friends wedding.

Heading to the appointment on Thursday I found myself walking into the waiting room and my nerves kicked in straight away  I felt like I was on auto pilot, just grabbing the first seat waiting for the nurse to call me, Getting my height, weight and blood pressure checked, the shock when the nurse commented on how good my blood pressure was despite how nervous I felt and its normally always high anyway but this time it was normal, for once I thought just maybe it would be good news, My nerves got worse when I was left sitting in the waiting room for over an hour and a half everyone coming and going and the nurse telling me he hadn't forgetting about me he was running late,  picking up the metro paper  news papers aren't normally something I read but anything to try and calm me down I came across the story of the tragic event that happened in  Glasgow were a bin lorry crashed killing and injuring people only a few days before Christmas last year, which I remember so well as me and Dougie had visited my friend in Glasgow who had just moved there on the same day and found ourselves thinking how blessed we were  as we were there only a few hours before it happened with Kian who was just a few weeks old, and the paper spoke about how the driver lost control of the lorry as he had blacked out and for years had been suffering dizzy spells and black outs, I found myself so focused on the story since dizzy spells and black outs are a part of my life, you never really hear of accidents happening to others because of black outs, but it truly shows how dangerous it can all be and to come across the story waiting to be seen took my mind off the nerves but also made me think a lot about my own health and all the black outs I have had.

My cardiologist calling my name I was so stuck in thought that I didn't hear him the first time, asking me how I was and how the baby was, my nerves slowly calmed down, he apologised about everything that had happened and how I had been stuck in Hospital while he was on Holiday, looking over my event monitor he said it didn't show anything drastic, but days my heart was still very fast depending what I was doing that day and was still reaching high rates of  165bpm , explaining to him how I had felt  fine apart from that one day were I had woke up from sleeping feeling like I couldn't breath properly, flicking the piece of paper over he said at 4am my heart had dropped down to 40bpm and also my heart had long pauses, which explained that horrible symptom of waking up feeling breathless, he asked me my thoughts on a pacemaker, and said in the letter he had wrote to me, he had actually wrote saying I wouldn't  need one, but after me explaining the way I felt and how I woke up from it, looking at the stress test results my heart doesn't increase as much as it should plus taking into account the amount I black out fitting a pacemaker would be the best option. He explained to me that he didn't think anything had been damaged during my last ablation and if anything it had been the 1st or 2nd ablation that had caused some damage, but in his opinion my hearts natural pacemaker had never worked properly but it just hadn't been picked up because the atrial tachycardia had always hid it, but by that being  successfully ablated has just shown how much my hearts sinus node doesn't work, he described how at time's its like my heart realises and tries to correct itself ,so a pacemaker was really the only option, were he explained the pacemaker will sleep and only come into effect when my heart doesn't beat properly and this would stop the low rates, he explained how it doesn't really help the fast rhythms but by fitting a pacemaker I would then be able to use medication to control the fast rates without the danger of my heart dropping to low, and worst case another ablation to ablate the fast rhythm away completely. Asking if I was happy to go ahead with it all, I found myself saying yes straight away, he's told me I will have a scar and the battery's need changed and he doesn't normally like to do pacemakers on young people like me for that reason, but that it will improve my quality of life and also stop me being at risk of hurting myself during the black outs, so I was added to the list for a pacemaker and I couldn't thank him enough as I was leaving as he always asks when I want to go back to work and has put it down for it to be done as soon as possible.

I took a reaction to the zio monitor.

I have been asked by a few people how I feel about it all, and am not going to lie am nervous and scared, the fear of not known what to expect, what it will feel like etc, and the biggest fear if it doesn't help,  Am not super woman I do have great strength and I am positive about it all and I know there's some light at the end of this tunnel and with each day passing known am closer to getting the pacemaker mentally I can't get my head round it all and have found myself so stressed about it all, stressed am going to be in hospital again and have to leave Kian, but I hope after this I will finally just be able to get on with life. I feel like I have overcome alot of fears and all this is setting me up for great things ! Rome wasn't built in a day they say and my heart just needs time, I know its sometimes hard to deal with certain situations that are difficult, and I know one day all this will just be a distant memory and I will only be reminded by the scars,

I have been enjoying the summer if you can call it that living in freezing cold Scotland ,In Edinburgh there's the festival which me and Dougie have went to a few things which have been brilliant and I find keeping busy has took my mind off eveything as the worst part is the wait I just want it all to be over.

 Of course I can't forget to update you all on Kian who is now 9 months old, I am so shocked at were the years went and how quickly he's growing up, he's started crawling, using the furniture to get up onto his feet said his first word which is hiya, if you tell him No he shakes his head, and its like he's beginning to understand because when you ask him certain things like 'is Kian in a better mood' he shakes his head, he loves to empty all his balls out the ball pit and throws them around the room and chases them and when I pick them all up and put them back he does it all over again so must days am exhausted with him because it is hard work running around after a baby for anyone but with heart problems its 10 times harder, he also has 2 bottom front teeth and had his first check up at the dentist, reaches upto the table etc for his dummy and puts it in his mouth and even turns it round the right way he's my little ray of sunshine and like I have said before he amazes me so much, how one day he can't do things and the next day he will do it.

                                          Kian next to my big teddy at 37 & 38 weeks.

 

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