The feeling of having no choice

Well I wanted to update my blog today, yesterday was an emotional day for me, I headed to my antenatal  class first thing in the morning which I was meant to have finished but because of a mix up with the paper work missed all my classes, so I have started them later, the midwife on the class was shocked that I am 35 weeks as she had her baby at 34 weeks herself and the fact everyone else is only 28 weeks and just starting to talk about labour and what to expect when I may be getting induced in 2 weeks.


                                                       
 If only Love could cure IST

The sadness I felt at this class just ate away at me the fact everyone else has choice which is something I feel I have never had. I know the doctors and midwife's are only trying to look after me and baby Urquhart but I still couldn't help feel disappointed. I would of loved to have went to the lovely new birthing suite in the hospital and have a water birth .. but this was something that was a huge no the fact that the birthing unit is only midwife run were doctors are not able to monitor my heart or control my pain levels to control my heart, I am also finding it hard to deal with the fact baby Urquhart might be arriving early, I cannot wait to meet him or her but even though doctors are saying 37 weeks is full term I still feel being induced 3 weeks early fills me with anxiety as I would rather wait till baby Urquhart is ready to come into the world as my husband described it he/she hasn't packed its little bags yet. All through my pregnancy I have just wanted the best for my baby and the whole day yesterday after leaving that class just filled me with guilt and sadness that because of me and my problems my poor little baby who doctors say is happy and healthy is going to be brought into this world early ... all that I hope for now is we make it to 37 weeks and if the worst does happen of being induced 3 weeks early that baby Urquhart is strong enough.

After my class I headed to the hospital were I get seen twice a week in the day assessment unit, the same routine of my blood pressure getting checked just drains me a day of not having doctors or hospitals would be lovely, and yet again midwife's were shocked how much my blood pressure jumps about sometimes just sitting up on the bed causes it to go high, I received another scan were baby Urquhart was moving his/her hands about this is the only bonus of all my hospital appointments is seen our little baby's face.

I received this lovely letter and stickers today off another heart Arrhythmia Sufferer 

meeting people who are sharing the same battle helps millions xxx


Last week I also made a video on IST which I posted to you tube which I am hoping will spread awareness showing others what Its really like to have IST and how it affects your life and so far have been getting a few nice comments about the video ... please if you have a spare 5 minutes take a look and give it a thumbs up :)... keep spreading awareness on a condition that medical staff don't take seriously and please feel free to share this video or my blog.


Just click the link to view the video I created ... 5 minutes and give it a thumbs up and keep spreading awareness on this condition.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeSiU-MIkqQ

Well I thought I would do some positive thoughts for a Wednesday because despite the way I feel I
am really lucky to have the life I do have.






I'm 23 years old and 36 weeks pregnant on Monday.
My heart has managed to behave pretty well throughout pregnancy and have had the bonus of not fainting.
My little Baby is growing nicely. :-)
It absolutely amazes me what my sick body can do!
I have an amazing, hard-working husband who supports and looks after me each day he is my complete rock and believes in me through everything.
I have amazing family and friends and wouldn't be the strong person I am without any of them and I am bridesmaid at my best friends wedding in August.
I've been walking most days to exercise despite it being hard I take my time,
Finally the hot summer is gone ... and the cold weather is coming in I can finally enjoy doing things without the heat sending my heart to beat to fast.


Love and Hugs

Joys of a Rubbish Immune System

Hey Lovely readers

Well I feel my blog always fills up with bad health posts... and unfortunately for me I seem to very rarely have good health, Me and Dougie started decorating baby Urquhart's room which has just been a nightmare just stripping the walls and spent the whole of Sunday feeling stressed about it all just wanting to make it perfect, but as Sunday night came I started to feel a sore throat come on and woke up on Monday morning feeling like death warmed up .. and the worst part I had work my first long day since my first hospital trip I managed to make it through work despite the way I was feeling and then had the midwife after which to my amazement I am 30 weeks pregnant but measuring 32 weeks so much for a small baby and the news that the baby isn't lying breech any more and is head down. I was so glad to finally get home and headed straight to bed feeling terrible.

Things could only get worse I woke on Tuesday morning feeling even worse, chocked with the cold such a bad headache, sore throat and covered in a rash all over my hands and chest I made an emergency appointment with the nurse at my doctor's surgery, on the way to the appointment I started to experience a hazy feeling in my eyes and could barely see where I was going having to stop and start. The nurse at first thought I maybe had Scarlett fever with the rash I had and got a doctor to look at me but the doctor said it was a viral infection  and the rash was proof my body was trying hard to fight it and if things couldn't get worse refused to give me anything with being pregnant as anything they could give to help is unsafe being pregnant so paracetamol was my only option. They also swabbed my throat as my throat was very red which was very unpleasant, and the worst part of it all was the doctor asking me how long I had left to work and saying I had to rest and go home to bed with lots of fluids and work wasn't an option as my immune system is rubbish anyway and even worse being pregnant and would just end up picking up other things and feeling worse.

I came out the surgery feeling fed up and emotional, I feel I am in a constant battle to feel ok and be normal making it to work everyday like everyone else but my body just doesn't let me, I spent the rest of the day crying in bed just feeling sorry for myself but part of me angry as I eat healthy take multivitamins everyday and no matter how much I look after myself I still become ill all the time and would give anything to just make it through a month without an infection, I did manage to make it out of bed late afternoon for a dentist appointment ... but yet again more bad news this pregnancy has just ruined my teeth I have had pregnancy gingivitis since day one my gums constantly bleed and hurt I need at least 3 fillings because of it all but my dentist refuses to x-ray or carry out the fillings till the baby is here but love getting my teeth cleaned strange I know but I love going to the dentist.

The only good thing to come out of a bad day is the dentist said to me if you look as good as you feel you look amazing .. when I had no make up on .. feeling like death warmed up either he was blind or maybe I actually didn't look as bad as I was feeling, so bed rest for me and now feeling the countdown is really on 9 weeks left till our due date :) ... and keeping my eyes on the prize is making all this bad health worth it.

30 week Baby bump measuring 32

boy or girl ?

Heart Rhythm Week :)

I appreciate this may be a quite a long post but please just take 5 minutes out of your day to read this and donate to the heart rhythm charity

.http://heartrhythmcharity.org.uk/www/571/0/Donate/

'you don't look sick'
'you look fine'
'it cant be that bad'
'you still get out'

These are just some of the things you hear all the time purely because people aren't aware. I don't tend to tell people how often I feel unwell or how things affect me daily for the reason people don't understand, even when in hospital feeling really ill and exhausted I've still tried my best to work and gone out and seen friends even for a few hours its amazing how good you become at slapping a smile on your face and saying you feel ok but truth is your feeling awful.

Try to imaging each day you feel like your doing a gym workout, the feeling of been out of breath and your heart pounding except it never ends and your not exercising, the dizzy feeling comes on the sweat and heat you feel on your back and hands, ears start to ring but a dull ring until you wake up lying on the floor, or sometimes if you manage to beat it taking to lying down on the floor to try to make it stop to prevent the black out. The feeling that comes after of been exhausted feeling so sick some times feeling so bad sleeping is the only option to make it all go away.
The terrifying feeling of fainting alone or the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night with the feeling of your heart racing the panic that goes through you when you know you need to relax and stay calm because panicking makes it worse.

The tablets we take everyday, morning and night just to slow the heart down and stop it racing, but even on bad days these tablets do nothing, and when you are poorly and its caused a trip to the hospital the same routine of chest x-rays, cannulas, drugs, ecgs, bags of fluids and chats with every medical professional under the sun and the waiting game of the heart slowing down.

The feeling of worry when you wonder if you will make it to the shops, the feeling of dread when you feel all the symptoms come on and no by lying on the floor to make it all stop will cause the public to stare and raise a eyebrow and if the shops are busy makes it all a lot worse as the anxiety kicks in to.

It can also effect you mentally as well as physically, feeling scared and alone when symptoms do start the feeling of been alone and fainting and relying on members of the public to help,the dreading thought of will you wake up ok, the feeling of hurt when people look at you like your on drugs or drunk, crossing pavements and roads to keep away from you when all you want is help and it all to stop. It hurts to have plans and have to cancel them and seen all your friends have fun whilst your at home struggling just wishing you could be there. It would be nice to not  have the worry and anxiety of ' will I manage today'  having no control over any it the sadness and anxiety spreads to other parts of your life.

I am really lucky that I have good friends and family that understand but there is always going to be people that don't get it, just think your making it up and think your being a drama queen they don't understand how one day you can be fine and the next day your struggling.

A few years ago when I collapsed and my heart just wouldn't slow down,it was the scariest time of my life  as I lay in hospital  helpless waiting for them to slow my heart down the doctor at the time was really good and after a few hours my heart rate did drop ... just never enough even after two ablation procedures my heart continues to race making each day a constant battle, but getting through each day without fainting is a bonus something others take for granted.

Some fast facts

 1.000.000 people suffer from an arrhythmia
120.000 people experience unexplained loss of consciousness each year
100.000 sudden cardiac deaths occur each year
30% of adults and 39% of children are misdiagnosed with epilepsy when they have a heart rhythm disorder
1 in 85 people has experienced an arrhythmia

If you've got this far thank you, please share this blog, we want to raise as much awareness as possible an arrhythmia is part of me , it doesn't define me and without any of this I wouldn't of met some amazing and wonderful people. I take each day as it comes and each day I am thankful that my heart does beat and with each day that passes I am closer to my goal of raising awareness and not letting any of it beat me, but in fact making me stronger !

'Beacon of hope for the little girl that doesnt have any.'

 I decided to do this blog to raise awareness and help others but also to be honest about my personal struggles with heart rhythm problems and  how I have struggled with anxiety due to this condition, and how even going out alone became a task for me as the constant fear of fainting and been alone when it happened became a huge problem I even suffered a few panic attacks just going to my front door because the fear of fainting outside made me feel so frightened. Anxiety issues which is something I am coping so much better with now I know others aren't always open about it, life can be difficult but fighting through the pain is worth it its better to feel emotions than to have felt none and I found by allowing myself to feel the one thing I had been pushing away and speaking about it and being vulnerable made me accept the way I was feeling and became the path to beating the anxiety I felt because of my heart problems , also I surrounded myself with positive people and stopped wasting time on people who didn't appreciate me or bother to understand the way I was feeling or what I was going through. Become your  own  best friend I have learnt to become my own best friend as  I spent so many nights crying being sad and feeling let down that the cardiologists weren't able to fix my heart, but I learned that being my own best friend and comforting myself helped to overcome the sadness and anger I felt,  I also found to keep secrets can be so toxic ,keeping the way I was feeling just made me feel worse as I hid away from everyone and everything, which just led to me becoming more angry and isolated myself from the ones who love and care about me So if you feel this way share your secret it will make you feel so much better.

What makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends, time is luck so don't waste it hiding away from your emotions or secrets make the days in your life count for something fight for what matters to you, share your story and you may help someone speak about their emotions, which for me helped me beat the way I was feeling.

I hope my blog can help,  teach and motivate someone else to find the courage and strength to do the same and never give up if your feeling/ going through hell keep going everyone is entitled to bad days. A secret shared is a secret halved.

Diary Of Inappropriate Sinus Tacycardia

I created this little diary of my life in just a few words which I added to my tumblr account which sums up Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia.

When my heart broke….
Once upon a time there was a happy healthy young girl
She used to love to dance, and go on holidays with friends.
Had the whole world at her feet
She even got married, life was great
But soon after all that changed,
The happy bright life and sunshine turned to darkness
She got sick, she lost friends, she got sad
She was exhausted all the time and in pain, she couldn’t even walk to the end of the street,
She started fainting, and hurting herself, doctors didn’t no why
Her heart constantly raced .. Like a racing car
Her blood pressure was high .. Or sometimes to low
Doctors controlled her heart with tablets .. But still her heart raced
Her symptoms were physical but still no one knew
One doctor said it was mental,all she wanted was her life back
Endless test and still no answers, 2 failed heart ablations , but yet her heart still won’t slow down, she gave up
Crys herself to sleep, panic attacks to scared to go out alone ,
And all because of this, her heart is still poorly but she fights everyday for more answers and hopes maybe one day there will be more research done…. Who knows maybe even a permanent cure.