The reality of living with scars, Bio-oils #scarsuncovered campaign

Throwing on my bikini the image that stared back at me from the tall mirror was something I had tried to avoid daily,  In fact since the 3rd of November I had succeeded pretty well. I avoided it in every way possible, by covering up with clothes, avoiding mirrors but now I was confronted by it, all I could see was hate, I hated the three ugly raised scars across my chest, instead of lying by the pool in Italy wearing a bikini  I covered up, I was to afraid and embarrassed anyone would notice or comment on my scars.

Not only do I feel really uncomfortable noticing the outline of the pacemaker and the scars, touching them is out of the question not just because physically  they look ugly, mentally it's painful to look at them, it brings back all the horrible memories of every hard painful moment,every life changing decision.

'the hardest part is knowing the scars didn't mean I was fixed they were a small mark but in my eyes a large mark to help me lead a normal life'

Why should I feel embarrassed or ashamed of them and in reality I shouldn't there a huge part of me, each one tells a unique story that represents what I indured  and overcome, that without them I wouldn't be were I am today, but when I did finally pluck the courage to show them off I was met with cruel hurtful comments that really hit my self esteem big time.

'Having someone refer to your chest as horrible and a mess it's hard to respond skilfully to that comment when all your eyes do see is a mess and your mind just feels hate'

That scar causes physical and emotional pain everyday for me and I hate to admit this but when it was confirmed I had nerve damage and the pain specialist prescribed me lidocaine patches to help numb the area been giving a huge patch to cover the scars up by a doctor was ideal because it was like I did have an excuse to keep them hidden. It was easy in winter because the cold was an excuse  but when the hot weather started to arrive everyone close to me would question why I wont  take my jacket off  and of course I didn't want to admit to hide my scars, that would lead to so many questions that mentally I felt I couldn't bring myself to answer, I didn't have to lie anymore a doctor had prescribed me a patch which physically eased the pain, which meant mentally I didn't have to look at them, I didn't have to fear others seeing them.


Even though a few weeks back I witnessed that there are some cruel horrible people out there, there are also kind ones too and this week I was touched with a letter from the wonderful ladies at Pegasus  not only did they send me bottles of bio oil and who doesn't love bio oil right ? I practically bathed in the stuff when I was pregnant because yes I  feared stretch marks but I had a beautiful baby boy they marks brought me so much joy and happiness so it was like they were irelvent , I could embrace them. The letter enclosed brought me so much comfort because for once I didn't feel alone anymore, there are other woman out there who feel exactly like I do, it was completely normal to feel that hiding they scars under clothes meant they were out of sight out of mind and shockingly that number is more than half the woman out there.

Bio-oil have started the mission #scarsuncovered as they believe nobody should be made to feel they have to cover up, accepting a scar is an important part of coming to terms with what happened in order to move on. Which is why I am showing off my scars,  if I can do anyone can  imperfection is individuality after all in a crazy sort of way they scars do actually make me smile because the hurt is over for now.

Your a solider your scars are your medals so polish them off with bio-oil, and I have 3 free bottles up for grabs so there's no excuses all you have to do is watch the video below and comment below with the answer to this question,

What does Laura do at the end of the video ?

But there's a catch because I would love to see your pictures too so don't forget to upload and #scarsuncovered and join me and many other beautiful ladies on bio-oils amazing campaign, winner will be choosing at random on the 13/8/16

Products sent to me for the purpose of this post & giveaway by the lovely people at Pegasus

 

                                                                    

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My baby boy at 10 weeks old

To my little Monster Kian

Your now nearly a quarter of a year old, your one of the happiest babies I know constantly smiling and laughing at anything and everything, you love to smile at your reflection in the mirror. I put you down in your big cot with the mobile and you loved it, the rabbits spin and play music you get so excited watching it your legs start to kick you wave your hands about and your eyes follow it you start smiling and screeching at it you always get so excited.

You also have a thing for your hands dad laughs because I call you a little magician but you also clasp them together and play with them and they also always end up in the mouth your necks getting stronger and are managing to hold it up. You keep giving me a fright every morning I wake up as you some how always manage to kick all the way to the top of your little carry cot and pull your shawl over your face and just laugh and smile when I try to pull it down and tuck it in. Your such an amazing sleeper going down between half 9 -10 and sleeping right through to half 6 -7.

When I took you for your jags the other week you screamed I think you were the loudest in the doctors but when I sat feeding you in the waiting room you started smiling and laughing at the other babies. Your slowly starting to grow out of your newborn clothes and making your way into 3 month outfits you were 9lb 3oz at 7 weeks old  I can't believe how quickly you are growing up we are starting a  baby massage class next week and I think am way more excited than you are, but you hate when I take your clothes off and your lips shiver so I am unsure if you will like it.

Love Mummy xxxxxx

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Sadness fills my heart

Going for my growth scan yesterday the look on the sonographer's  face, when you know something is wrong but hearing it, its like hearing it for the first time the sadness filled my heart that our little miracle baby hasn't grown how doctors would hope.

Baby Urquhart is only weighing about 6 pound and on the graph doctors have drew up he/she should have grown so much more in the 4 weeks.

I always knew because of my blood pressure and heart problems and the medication this was always a risk, but after each appointment hearing how well our baby was doing I thought we would never be faced with this, sitting in the waiting room seeing mums come in with babies, more sadness filled me thinking back to anything I could of done different, maybe I should of listened to doctors more, or maybe I should of tried to live without tablets or just maybe if my heart could of been fixed this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

But instead of feeling angry and upset been put on the monitor and  hearing our little baby's heart beating away I remembered how blessed I was to make it this far and be giving this little miracle after everything. Seeing the doctor it was decided because of  this been a new thing with the baby and the growth having stopped they want me to go for one last check on Wednesday and getting induced for a second time on Friday, and basically no matter what happens this time I will be leaving with a baby.

This time my feelings are different about the induction, last time feeling nervous and excited, this time I have set myself up for it not working again and thinking the worst so anything that's gained is a bonus, the midwife keeps telling me it wouldn't be the end of the world if it fails and I need a c-section but known how hard it will be with my heart to recover scares me not to mention needing all the energy in the world to look after a newborn, but known I am getting closer to meeting our baby no matter what it takes even having bad days with tachycardia to hold this amazing thing I have watched grow despite everything and finally be a mummy, and of course having Dougie by my side makes it so much easier, he is my rock through all the bad times.

During the scan our little baby was seen sticking its tongue in and out and doesn't seem to have a care in the world, who knows what life holds for our baby, I know the most important lesson I will teach baby Urquhart is to live each day like its your last, live life the the full and dream as if you will live forever.


Baby Urquharts graph has started to tail off                      

38 baby Bump (boy or girl )

 My husband,bestfriend, my world, my complete rock <3

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failed Induction, self discharge... Will you listen yet ??

After my last post I was booked in to be induced at 37 weeks which was Monday, Me and Dougie got up in the morning and were both feeling excited that we were going to hospital to have our baby, but that didn't happen. Arriving at the hospital my blood pressure was checked and the same thing again of it been high so there was a delay before doctors could start me off as I was giving a thing called a pessary which is inserted to release hormones to help ripen the cervix which may stimulate contractions and doctors were worried if I became sore my blood pressure would get worse. After a long 6 hours I finally got the hormone but 24 hours later I was only 1cm dilated, So the next step I was giving Gel to help soften and dilate my cervix every 6 hours.. but after a long 72 hours still there was no change, as well as giving the gel the doctor carried out a sweep in the hope this would bring on labour but still nothing happened. On Thursday night I had been giving all the medication and gel I was aloud so doctors decided to let me home for a rest, they were going to try and break my waters but because my cervix was classed as unfavourable the doctor warned I was at a very high risk of that failing and needing forceps or a caesarean section, so decided against this, me and Dougie left the hospital finally glad to be getting home after a long 4 stressful days but disappointed we were leaving without our baby. The induction process was horrible and spent most of the days in tears as hearing over and over again that there was still no change and everyone else coming and going round to labour ward was soul destroying that my body was failing the induction. I always knew this could happen as doctors had told me the risks with only being 37 weeks but I think I had lied to myself and never faced up to this happening, but part of me felt angry that I didn't want to be induced in the first place and it was all because of doctors not understanding my condition and just panicking at my blood pressure.

If things couldn't get any worse they did returning the next again day to have my blood pressure checked which yet again was high .... which is my normal and over and over again trying to explain myself and how this is normal for me and trying to explain about my heart the doctor finally decided they were happy to leave me a week to see how things go and if things did get worse they would look at a second induction, but giving a date to return on Sunday just filled me more with anger as the same story of a rest turns into returning every 24 hours.

I am physically and mentally exhausted, I am spending most days in tears as I feel no one is listening and over and over again I hear doctors say I don't understand how serious this blood pressure is for me or the baby, when its my normal and know my own body the doctor I had seen the week before had tried to increase my beta blockers but agreeing with her I never did and the doctors I have seen since I have told them my reasons why I haven't increased them as its far to much and this then causes me to become unwell with low blood pressure.

Returning on the Sunday just made things even worse as its the weekend the day assessment clinic is closed so I had to attend the triage unit which is used for emergency's already I felt like a time waster as I amt an emergency and had only been checked 24 hours ago I  felt there was no need to be checked again but turning up in the morning my appointment turned into 4 hour one ... and resulted in me signing a self discharge sheet as the same story again of my bloods been fine, baby been fine but my blood pressure been high ... like it always is I finally lost the will to live and signed myself out ... tiered frustrated and feeling let down.

From the start I have done everything doctors have said is for the best ... and instead I just feel majorly let down a failed induction which should never have happened in the first place, begging them to talk to my cardiologist to maybe help them understand just seems to go unnoticed, breaking down to Dougie and spending the last few days in tears I have lost all faith and trust and the hope of them listening to me the only thing keeping me going is known I will hopefully get to meet our little baby soon and all this sadness and frustration will all be a distant memory. My so called rest ... is to return tomorrow for another growth scan despite the baby been a good size, and then more checks on Tuesday to be left alone and recover from the tieredness and let my heart rest and then I would feel so much better... just doesn't happen for the main reason they don't understand the condition !!!!

   Dear Doctors 

         have you read the spoon theory ?????

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The feeling of having no choice

Well I wanted to update my blog today, yesterday was an emotional day for me, I headed to my antenatal  class first thing in the morning which I was meant to have finished but because of a mix up with the paper work missed all my classes, so I have started them later, the midwife on the class was shocked that I am 35 weeks as she had her baby at 34 weeks herself and the fact everyone else is only 28 weeks and just starting to talk about labour and what to expect when I may be getting induced in 2 weeks.


                                                       
 If only Love could cure IST

The sadness I felt at this class just ate away at me the fact everyone else has choice which is something I feel I have never had. I know the doctors and midwife's are only trying to look after me and baby Urquhart but I still couldn't help feel disappointed. I would of loved to have went to the lovely new birthing suite in the hospital and have a water birth .. but this was something that was a huge no the fact that the birthing unit is only midwife run were doctors are not able to monitor my heart or control my pain levels to control my heart, I am also finding it hard to deal with the fact baby Urquhart might be arriving early, I cannot wait to meet him or her but even though doctors are saying 37 weeks is full term I still feel being induced 3 weeks early fills me with anxiety as I would rather wait till baby Urquhart is ready to come into the world as my husband described it he/she hasn't packed its little bags yet. All through my pregnancy I have just wanted the best for my baby and the whole day yesterday after leaving that class just filled me with guilt and sadness that because of me and my problems my poor little baby who doctors say is happy and healthy is going to be brought into this world early ... all that I hope for now is we make it to 37 weeks and if the worst does happen of being induced 3 weeks early that baby Urquhart is strong enough.

After my class I headed to the hospital were I get seen twice a week in the day assessment unit, the same routine of my blood pressure getting checked just drains me a day of not having doctors or hospitals would be lovely, and yet again midwife's were shocked how much my blood pressure jumps about sometimes just sitting up on the bed causes it to go high, I received another scan were baby Urquhart was moving his/her hands about this is the only bonus of all my hospital appointments is seen our little baby's face.

I received this lovely letter and stickers today off another heart Arrhythmia Sufferer 

meeting people who are sharing the same battle helps millions xxx


Last week I also made a video on IST which I posted to you tube which I am hoping will spread awareness showing others what Its really like to have IST and how it affects your life and so far have been getting a few nice comments about the video ... please if you have a spare 5 minutes take a look and give it a thumbs up :)... keep spreading awareness on a condition that medical staff don't take seriously and please feel free to share this video or my blog.


Just click the link to view the video I created ... 5 minutes and give it a thumbs up and keep spreading awareness on this condition.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeSiU-MIkqQ

Well I thought I would do some positive thoughts for a Wednesday because despite the way I feel I
am really lucky to have the life I do have.






I'm 23 years old and 36 weeks pregnant on Monday.
My heart has managed to behave pretty well throughout pregnancy and have had the bonus of not fainting.
My little Baby is growing nicely. :-)
It absolutely amazes me what my sick body can do!
I have an amazing, hard-working husband who supports and looks after me each day he is my complete rock and believes in me through everything.
I have amazing family and friends and wouldn't be the strong person I am without any of them and I am bridesmaid at my best friends wedding in August.
I've been walking most days to exercise despite it being hard I take my time,
Finally the hot summer is gone ... and the cold weather is coming in I can finally enjoy doing things without the heat sending my heart to beat to fast.


Love and Hugs

Joys of a Rubbish Immune System

Hey Lovely readers

Well I feel my blog always fills up with bad health posts... and unfortunately for me I seem to very rarely have good health, Me and Dougie started decorating baby Urquhart's room which has just been a nightmare just stripping the walls and spent the whole of Sunday feeling stressed about it all just wanting to make it perfect, but as Sunday night came I started to feel a sore throat come on and woke up on Monday morning feeling like death warmed up .. and the worst part I had work my first long day since my first hospital trip I managed to make it through work despite the way I was feeling and then had the midwife after which to my amazement I am 30 weeks pregnant but measuring 32 weeks so much for a small baby and the news that the baby isn't lying breech any more and is head down. I was so glad to finally get home and headed straight to bed feeling terrible.

Things could only get worse I woke on Tuesday morning feeling even worse, chocked with the cold such a bad headache, sore throat and covered in a rash all over my hands and chest I made an emergency appointment with the nurse at my doctor's surgery, on the way to the appointment I started to experience a hazy feeling in my eyes and could barely see where I was going having to stop and start. The nurse at first thought I maybe had Scarlett fever with the rash I had and got a doctor to look at me but the doctor said it was a viral infection  and the rash was proof my body was trying hard to fight it and if things couldn't get worse refused to give me anything with being pregnant as anything they could give to help is unsafe being pregnant so paracetamol was my only option. They also swabbed my throat as my throat was very red which was very unpleasant, and the worst part of it all was the doctor asking me how long I had left to work and saying I had to rest and go home to bed with lots of fluids and work wasn't an option as my immune system is rubbish anyway and even worse being pregnant and would just end up picking up other things and feeling worse.

I came out the surgery feeling fed up and emotional, I feel I am in a constant battle to feel ok and be normal making it to work everyday like everyone else but my body just doesn't let me, I spent the rest of the day crying in bed just feeling sorry for myself but part of me angry as I eat healthy take multivitamins everyday and no matter how much I look after myself I still become ill all the time and would give anything to just make it through a month without an infection, I did manage to make it out of bed late afternoon for a dentist appointment ... but yet again more bad news this pregnancy has just ruined my teeth I have had pregnancy gingivitis since day one my gums constantly bleed and hurt I need at least 3 fillings because of it all but my dentist refuses to x-ray or carry out the fillings till the baby is here but love getting my teeth cleaned strange I know but I love going to the dentist.

The only good thing to come out of a bad day is the dentist said to me if you look as good as you feel you look amazing .. when I had no make up on .. feeling like death warmed up either he was blind or maybe I actually didn't look as bad as I was feeling, so bed rest for me and now feeling the countdown is really on 9 weeks left till our due date :) ... and keeping my eyes on the prize is making all this bad health worth it.

30 week Baby bump measuring 32

boy or girl ?

Beta Blockers and Pregnancy

Hey everyone

When I was only 7 weeks pregnant and first had my pregnancy confirmed I was classed as a high risk and me and Dougie were told the risks due to my health and taking beta blockers to control my heart made it more likely  we were going to have a smaller baby.

Swallowing beta blockers day and night just to control my heart made me feel sad and angry as I just want our baby to have the best start at life and hated myself for not been able to live with the symptoms, but for me this was never an option as a day without heart tablets leaves me physically unable to do anything without fainting. On |Friday morning I had the first growth scan booked and that morning everything started to sink in and a little bit of  sadness started to fill my heart knowing if there was problems it was all because of me, but to our amazement our baby at 28 weeks 4 days is actually measuring bigger than average, seen the little face appear on the screen just makes my love grow for our baby even more and then hearing the heart beating loudly and the midwife said it sounded like a horse galloping is just so precious and after each appointment I am more and more grateful that I have made it this far despite everything with my health and I know with each day that passes I am closer to meeting our strong baby.

I feel this baby has made me stronger as a person as with each day I gain more and more confidence to go out alone and the the fear of passing out  no longer exists  I stopped all my painkillers and other medication and control my feelings without having to rely on medication, this week was hard as mentally and physically I am trying to make it to work  and complete each day without having to say I don't feel well and have being doing it really well but I am physically exhausted coming in from work and spending the whole day and night sleeping, even going for a shower now or combing my hair is becoming a task leaving me having to lie down for hours after it as some days I am having bad days with my heart and this week I did break down crying saying to Dougie I didn't no what was wrong with me as normally a days rest helps but this week no matter how much I slept the feeling of being dizzy,exhausted and my heart pounding wouldn't shift.

The obstetrician I seen on Friday after my scan was amazing and I spoke with her about the way I was feeling and how I was starting to struggle with my heart and she said she wasn't suprised I was so exhausted and we spoke about increasing my beta blockers or putting me back on the ones that I was on before I was pregnant but I myself want to wait and see if things improve before doing this, we also spoke about labour as my midwife had said she wasn't sure if they would let the baby come naturally but because I control my condition well and keep fit and well despite the heart they think the best option is a natural birth and we spoke about giving me drugs to control my heart during labour and to my shock they said a c -section would put strain on my heart and strain after with the pain and recovery so putting strain on it during labour and controlling it is the best option, unless my health decreases.

At the moment we have a breach baby but have been told there is plenty time for it to move and also found out I have a thing called an anterior  placenta which explains why I don't feel movements as much as I should as my placenta is acting like a cushion between me and the baby which is fab for me sleeping and things at night all of this helping my heart, here is hoping at the next scan our baby has grown as big this time strong mummies really do make strong babies, 11 weeks left till our due date and counting down.

                     Our little baby at 28 weeks 4 days measuring bigger than average despite beta blockers.

My 28 week 4 day Bump (boyorgirl)

Another Setback !

Hey Everyone

Well after a few stressful weeks things finally got back on track after Dougies granddad passing away exactly a week later his nana also sadly passed and burying them both in the space of 4 days apart, it seems things got to much for me and baby Urquhart. To start off the week I fell down the stairs and this caused a trip to accident and emergency were doctors didn't want to x-ray my leg with being pregnant and didn't think it was broken and that I had just bruised the bone below my knee cap but still managed to make it to work .. which was my first day back since my last hospital stay so despite being in pain I worked through it, you think things couldn't get worse but they did ,waking up on Saturday morning I didn't feel to well but Dougie had surprised me with tickets for the ladyboys that night at the Edinburgh festival, not wanting to let him down I didn't let on how I was feeling and slapped some make up on my face and headed out, I really enjoyed the ladyboys but going for a meal after I didn't eat anything just wanting to go to bed to sleep off the way I was feeling, on Sunday morning feeling a lot better we got ready to head to the shops it was at this point I realised something could be wrong with the baby as I had started to not feel movements phoning the midwife she told us to head to the hospital straight away were they checked baby Urquhart over and all appeared fine, but on the other hand my blood pressure and heart rate were to high so I was admitted back into hospital were It was also discovered I had yet another infection so placed on more antibiotics, but it appeared that baby Urquhart was also trying to compete with my fast heart rate, I was discharged the next again day once my heart rate and blood pressure had settled but juggling work and feeling ok is becoming quite a task since my good days don't seem to last.

  High blood pressure is happening alot despite being on beta blockers

 Baby Urquhart decided to compete with the fast heart rate<3

At  Least I got to rest my sore knees for a day !

 A Smile can hide so much <3

Stay Strong

Hey Everyone !

I have now reached 23 weeks 3 days ! with a few more weeks  left in the second trimester baby Urquhart had his/her heart scan last week  and we received the good news that the heart looks healthy and even checked the rhythm of babys heart which looks normal and the heart is beating at 151bpm we still didn't find out the babys sex as we both want the lovely surprise on the day they are born .. I think a girl .. dad keeps saying a boy so the guessing game continues, sadly for us on this day my husband received a phone call to say his granddad had become unwell and doctors didn't think he had long left, and on the 23rd of July he sadly passed away a day after his 87th birthday. Its the first time since been diagnosed I have had  proper hurt and sadness and its the first time in awhile I have felt really unwell with my problems, even lying down with my heart I felt like it was double beating/ missing beats.. and the struggle of keeping it together for my husband and his family was difficult.
This Friday I also have the hospital to get a 24 hour ecg tape done again but this time a 12 lead one .. I was supposed to get it a few weeks ago but after traveling the long bus journey in the heat I got there to be told a patient hadn't handed it back so ended up with the 3 lead ... only to receive a phone call on Tuesday to say I have to come back for the 12 lead one, heres hoping tomorrow they have the 12 lead one and it wont be a waste of a journey, also my next scan is booked in 5 weeks time as my recent appointment with obstetrics went well but we have been told that taking beta blockers and being  pregnant can prevent the baby from growing properly so we have a few growth scans booked were we will hopefully see our little miracle grow nicely.

 Here is my picture of me baring my bump for the British heart foundation since I was a winner .. with a heart monitor no better way to raise awareness !

my baby bump at 22 weeks 4 days

 Baby Urquhart at 22 weeks 2 days looking healthy <3

 Sadly Doug's granddad passed away <3

'I failed twice I dont want to fail you a third time'

Hey everyone sorry I haven't been updating had a very few busy weeks since been discharged from hospital. First of all Baby Urquhart had his/her baby scan and despite everything at 20 weeks 2 days our little miracle looks healthy, but what we did discover is we have one very awkward baby, due to my health it was a doctor who carried out the scan and because of the way the baby was lying he was unable to check any of the babies organs at the front including the heart and after a good 20mins of trying to move the baby and get a better view we were sent away for a walk and a cold drink to see if that would move baby Urquhart. Returning back 40mins later the little monkey was still not wanting to help us out but luckily just as he was about to give up he/she moved a little to show the doctor everything he needed to check but still was being one awkward baby and was just kicking its legs and even stuck its little tongue out at us, so because of it been awkward we were unable to get a picture but due to my history we have to go back at 22 weeks to double check the heart.
Also this week I had an appointment to see my cardiologist which went well, after speaking with another specialist they have decided to do another 24hour monitor to check the P waves in my heart, I was told the bad news that my heart will most likely get worse due to pregnancy but that if I do feel unwell to phone right away and he will slip me in to be seen, this makes the whole thing a lot easier known I have the support if things do become to much. We also spoke about what would happen after the baby was born and he's happy for another ablation to be carried out on my heart but that he doesn't want to do it due to failing twice but is happy for another specialist to try. Also hearing the words that he will never just tell me that's it gave me hope. I am so greatful for everything he has done for me despite not been able to fix my heart.
Also I received a letter from Arrhythmia Alliance of the total we made which was £119.96. Not only did I take part this month in heart rhythm week, I decided to take part in bare your bump for the british heart foundation which I was amazed when I was voted one of the winners as me and my husband donate money each month to mending broken hearts as we support it so much due to my condition being told our baby's a high risk and also because of it all it might not grow properly, All of this just makes me want to spread more awareness as hearing all of this and the worry of not known if your hearts strong enough to cope with pregnancy or how bad its all going to get its like a ticking bomb it will explode but known when it will happen is a different story.

 I was voted one of the winners of bare your bump and won a limited edition t-shirt (watch the space for picture to follow )

 Me baring my Baby Bump For charity !

 The amount we made for Arrhythmia Alliance at our charity car boot sale for heart rhythm week :)

Love and Hugs 

Turn for the Worst !

Hey Everyone !

Today as I write this I have just been discharged from hospital after a long 4 days. It all started on Monday getting up and heading to work as normal I suddenly started to feel unwell and started having chest pain and getting out of breath. Leaving work I headed to the doctors were  I was then sent to hospital were doctors thought I had a blood clot on my lungs after having a chest x-ray and a scan which showed it was all clear but still I was in pain and struggling with my breathing. I was  then reviewed by cardiology who were happy with my ecg and echo results and was told I could go home, but after packing my bags and ready to go and after speaking with the doctor and promising I would come back if things got worse she then delivered the news of her boss wasn't happy for me to go home even though my discharge letter had been written ... the news was heart breaking as the 3 days were so difficult as the heat was unbearable and according to the news was the hottest day of the year and I was stuck in a busy maternity ward, also my experience of it all was bad after having one doctor question if it was heart burn and then prescribed tablets for heartburn and who just didn't bother to listen to anything I said about how I was feeling made me feel angry and upset, but today I finally got discharged and never got to the bottom of my problems and told its common in pregnancy to experience breathlessness. The only good thing to come out of my hospital stay was getting to listen to baby Urquharts heart beat everyday who despite everything and all the risks seems to be the right size and doing ok at the moment and who's little heart is beating at 146bpm

A Get well card :)

Thumbs up still managing to smile even though I was sore and fed up !  

The 4 days in hospital were hard but having my husband sit with me through it all and hearing baby Urquharts heart beating helped me through ! 

My Charity Event (15/06/14)

Hello everyone !

Well today as I type this I am mentally and physically exhausted, today marked 2 years when I collapsed and was diagnosed with a heart rhythm problem, so this day is a special day for me.. people might wonder why but I look back at this day and remember it like yesterday.. and instead of been sad or angry that I was diagnosed with a horrible condition It makes me appreciate life and how lucky I have been, the one day I look back at how far I have come and how all of it has made me stronger and I am grateful for all of that. Since my two failed heart ablations instead of feeling angry about it all I learned to accept it and that some things just cant be fixed but made it a goal of mine to make a difference to other sufferers and raise awareness. So today to mark my heart anniversary and to complete a goal I raised money for my favourite heart charity and as I said before the work the charity does is amazing and the support they have given me is incredible and don't no how I would of got through it all without them when things were tough and I was struggling just wanting some advice and someone to talk to that would understand.

Me and my husband started our long day at 7 this morning and managed to raise a lot of awareness and made £98.4p which isn't including the 2 collection tins which also have money in them so feeling happy that I completed my goal of raising money and awareness today to mark a special day that will always be part of me, even though I have struggled this week with my blood pressure and doctors think I have another infection as I have a higher white blood cell count than normal I didn't let any it stop me and looking at all the money and the smiling faces today made it all worth it for such a good cause ! And like my bucket list says I want to make a difference to other sufferers so will be doing other things to raise money and awareness in the future. !
                                                       
Not had an easy week with my heart and blood pressure reaching 18 weeks pregnant                                   nearly half way !! and didn't let it stop me raising money and awareness with a smile                                      on my face telling my story to everyone that would listen today !
                                                 

 The Sign I made tick your ticker :) wanted to draw as much attention as possible and think it worked !

Me and my husband raising money and awareness !!!!