Wednesday 15 October 2014

The feeling of having no choice

Well I wanted to update my blog today, yesterday was an emotional day for me, I headed to my antenatal  class first thing in the morning which I was meant to have finished but because of a mix up with the paper work missed all my classes, so I have started them later, the midwife on the class was shocked that I am 35 weeks as she had her baby at 34 weeks herself and the fact everyone else is only 28 weeks and just starting to talk about labour and what to expect when I may be getting induced in 2 weeks.

 If only Love could cure IST

The sadness I felt at this class just ate away at me the fact everyone else has choice which is something I feel I have never had. I know the doctors and midwife's are only trying to look after me and baby Urquhart but I still couldn't help feel disappointed. I would of loved to have went to the lovely new birthing suite in the hospital and have a water birth .. but this was something that was a huge no the fact that the birthing unit is only midwife run were doctors are not able to monitor my heart or control my pain levels to control my heart, I am also finding it hard to deal with the fact baby Urquhart might be arriving early, I cannot wait to meet him or her but even though doctors are saying 37 weeks is full term I still feel being induced 3 weeks early fills me with anxiety as I would rather wait till baby Urquhart is ready to come into the world as my husband described it he/she hasn't packed its little bags yet. All through my pregnancy I have just wanted the best for my baby and the whole day yesterday after leaving that class just filled me with guilt and sadness that because of me and my problems my poor little baby who doctors say is happy and healthy is going to be brought into this world early ... all that I hope for now is we make it to 37 weeks and if the worst does happen of being induced 3 weeks early that baby Urquhart is strong enough.

After my class I headed to the hospital were I get seen twice a week in the day assessment unit, the same routine of my blood pressure getting checked just drains me a day of not having doctors or hospitals would be lovely, and yet again midwife's were shocked how much my blood pressure jumps about sometimes just sitting up on the bed causes it to go high, I received another scan were baby Urquhart was moving his/her hands about this is the only bonus of all my hospital appointments is seen our little baby's face.

I received this lovely letter and stickers today off another heart Arrhythmia Sufferer 
meeting people who are sharing the same battle helps millions xxx

Last week I also made a video on IST which I posted to you tube which I am hoping will spread awareness showing others what Its really like to have IST and how it affects your life and so far have been getting a few nice comments about the video ... please if you have a spare 5 minutes take a look and give it a thumbs up :)... keep spreading awareness on a condition that medical staff don't take seriously and please feel free to share this video or my blog.

Just click the link to view the video I created ... 5 minutes and give it a thumbs up and keep spreading awareness on this condition.

Well I thought I would do some positive thoughts for a Wednesday because despite the way I feel I
am really lucky to have the life I do have.

I'm 23 years old and 36 weeks pregnant on Monday.
My heart has managed to behave pretty well throughout pregnancy and have had the bonus of not fainting.
My little Baby is growing nicely. :-)
It absolutely amazes me what my sick body can do!
I have an amazing, hard-working husband who supports and looks after me each day he is my complete rock and believes in me through everything.
I have amazing family and friends and wouldn't be the strong person I am without any of them and I am bridesmaid at my best friends wedding in August.
I've been walking most days to exercise despite it being hard I take my time,
Finally the hot summer is gone ... and the cold weather is coming in I can finally enjoy doing things without the heat sending my heart to beat to fast.

Love and Hugs

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