Tuesday 25 November 2014

The day I became a mummy

We headed to the hospital on Monday and I was booked in to be induced for a 3rd time but this time as an outpatient arriving at the hospital at 4pm yet again things didn't go to plan my blood pressure and heart playing up despite the obstetrician who had took over my care had signed everything on Friday that was needed for them to start me off the midwife refused until I was seen by a doctor, so yet again for us something quick turned into hours, the doctor gave me the pessary hormone but the long wait of them wanting my blood pressure to settle and it wouldn't after a very long 7 hours I signed the self discharge form and left by this point it was 12o'clock at night by the time we got home exhausted and fed up again.

Waking up on the Tuesday Morning I started having irregular contractions and spent the whole day bouncing on the birth ball and drinking the raspberry tea in the hope my labour would start or my waters would break but as the time started to pass this didn't look promising. I was also so worked up wondering what would happen when I went to hospital as the fear of the same thing happening was becoming to much, I physically and mentally was exhausted and decided to phone the obstetrician's secretary to pass on the message I was going to take the hormone out and wanted to be left. A few hours later she phoned and knew about the night before were the hospital had phoned her and she had told them to start me off and let me home and apologised again for everything that had happened, she was on the train travelling back from London but told me to still go into hospital for the baby to be checked and then for us just to leave and she would break my waters on Wednesday morning.

We headed back to the hospital and this time like the obstetrician had promised us we were placed on the monitor and were told another obstetrician was coming to see us, this time we were seen right away and finally the decision was made to just go ahead and break my waters tonight the words of  'I wouldn't be doing you any favours' didn't fill me with hope but the obstetrician agreed this couldn't go on any more. We headed back home to get my bags for a 3rd time, were Dougie kept saying everything would be ok as I had been on machine number 7 and was told to head to room number 7 on the labour ward and this was his lucky number.

Arriving on the labour ward I was placed on the monitor again to check the baby who still was happy and moving about to much the doctor came to break my waters and puffed on the gas and air like my life depended on it, and the amazing feeling when the doctor told me it wasn't easy but she had managed, this was at  11o'clock and I was only 2cm dilated, we were left in the hope my labour would start itself. The midwife was amazing and phoned the anaesthesiologist as I was told with my heart I needed to have the epidural early to control my pain which should help my heart. Again nothing is simple for me he started to have problems getting the catheter in place because of my back problems and of course I was told I needed to sit completely still but was having contractions so it took even longer and once the epidural was in what a relief. 

At 2am I was started on the hormone drip and was checked at 5am were I was 5cm dilated about 30 Min's later  I started to get pain and pressure telling the midwife I felt the urge to push she told me it was far to early and called the anaesthesiologist by this point I was back to puffing on the gas and air the anaesthesiologist arrived and topped up my epidural but again I hardly felt any relief saying to the midwife again I really feel I have to push again she kept telling me give it time to work, but still the pain and pressure I was feeling was painful ... the look on her face when she checked me and told me to start pushing it was 6.30 and in the space of an hour had dilated to a full 10cm. 

Pushing was Hard and like the doctor described it running for a marathon you haven't trained for but after pushing for over an hour and them telling me If i wanted to I could feel my babies head I just had to push longer and harder I was begging them saying I was to tiered to carry on and was finding the pushing hard as I started to feel out of breath and feeling like my heart was starting to struggle. The midwife left the room to go and get a doctor because I had been pushing for so long  but returning without one this just made me more determined to get the baby out as the pain was just becoming worse.

On 19/11/14 at 08.47 my son was brought into the world as the student midwife placed him on my chest I was in disbelief that he  had just come out of me it was the most rewarding and unbelievable amazing feeling. He wasn't crying but instead his eyes were wide open looking at everything giving him a little rub he started to scream Dougie was giving him as the midwife started talking and next thing the doctor was in not really sure what was happening I lay helpless again but seeing my son with Dougie and how exhausted I was I didn't really care. Unlucky for me because he had came so quick his elbow had got stuck and I had ended up with second degree tears we had to wait on the consultant coming as the doctor was unsure If I would need to go to theatre for the damage to be repaired, a few stitches later I was back waiting for the feeling to return to my legs which were still heavy but for me had felt most of the pain during labour, I was completely amazed by what my body can do!! It's absolutely fascinating and enjoyed every minute of  bringing my son into the world and feel even more amazed I done it all myself with my heart problems.


Kian Patrick James Urquhart was born at 08:47 on 19/11/14 6lbs 6.5oz  50cm 

 I was so happy to finally meet my little man I am so in love with him and I am truly amazed how well my heart and body coped.

Home time baby we got home the next again day he was a little jaundice and had cuts on his head from the doctor breaking my waters but apart from that our happy healthy little man :)

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Sunday 16 November 2014

Two little magpies :)

Since my last post the whole week got off to a good start phoning my community midwife last week I headed to see her on Monday afternoon, taking the dreaded blood pressure it was high again but finally people were listening to me, sending me away after checking the baby over which was all fine, she was going to get a hold of the consultant obstetrician who was now looking after me as this wonderful woman had actually listened to me and Dougie after the second failed induction and took the time to look up my condition and had made it clear anything to do with me, she was to be contacted, but unfortunately was in London holding exams. An hour later I was home and running a bath and the dreaded phone call from the midwife, which normally means a trip to the hospital but this time was different my midwife had been in touch with the on call doctor about my blood pressure, and the doctor and consultant on call had looked up the clinical guidelines and because I was feeling fine I didn't have to go to hospital ... such a huge relief. The midwife called back and the lovely consultant had called all the way from London after hearing about my blood pressure who was happy the right decision had been made but to attend an extra check up during the week the relief of this was amazing I finally felt someone was listening and headed to bed with a big smile on my face.
Heading to the midwife again on Wednesday morning, my blood pressure was normal, the proof of how much it jumps about each day.

Friday I headed to the day assessment unit and also had an appointment to see the obstetrician not known what to expect this time, and my due date slowly creeping up but still no sign of baby Urquhart. Getting the baby checked over and a fluid scan which were all normal Dougie texted me saying he had seen 2 magpies did I have good news for him,  texting back to say the baby was all good I sat waiting on the doctor, for once I was asked what I wanted to do, be induced a 3rd time or wait. The doctor decided to check me over and then we could decide on a plan, to my amazement I was 2cm dilated and the news of my waters could be broken if I wanted to and was told the baby's head is so low and positioned well that labour shouldn't be to long either, giving me another sweep in the hope this might trigger labour I left with another date to be induced on Monday but this time to my amazement I am aloud home to rest, and the doctor seems pretty confident this time it will work, and even if it doesn't they will break my waters to get the ball rolling. 

Finally The feeling of relief someone has took control and listened, which is all I ever wanted. Asking what I wanted for a change and the feeling of having choice, the last two times I wasn't aloud home but having this amazing kind woman take an interest in my care and understanding it all has made all the difference, instead of feeling scared about it all I am now feeling confident having this doctor who listens and respects what I am saying that this time things will be much easier and hopefully 3rd time lucky at meeting our amazing baby,

3 People made such an impact on me this week, the first being my midwife who just cuddled me after everything that had happened, she had been the only one through the whole experience to just give me a hug. The midwife at the hospital who sat with me waiting on the doctor who held my hand and told me my great attitude would get me far, and of course the amazing obstetrician who has listened and took an interest in getting to know me and my condition, out of all the doctors I seen she was the only one who done this and for that I am so grateful for, tomorrow is our due date but there's still no sign of our cheeky little monkey but hopefully by the end of this week we will have our baby.

                                                 39 week 6 day bump our due dates tomorrow :)

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Sunday 9 November 2014

The relief of 'I' understand

Going in for the second round of induction on Friday, again me and Dougie left carrying the bags walking into the hospital saying this would be it,we would be leaving this time with a baby but again we left the hospital just the two of us.

Going in on the Friday at two we spent the whole day waiting on the doctor to insert the pessary hormone, I didn't get it put in till 11 at night due to the fact baby Urquhart clearly was not a happy baby and who was moving about to much for over 2 hours its little heart was beating faster than it should of been and doctors wouldn't start till the baby had settled and they could get a decent tracing, but our little baby clearly was not a happy bunny after hours of waiting he/she finally calmed down and got giving the hormone, still hearing I was only a cm ... I just burst into tears for the whole week I had been bouncing on the birthing ball, eating pineapples, which I don't even like, eating spicy curries, drinking raspberry tea and even bought  Clary sage oil for the bath which the woman in Holland and Barrett recommended brings on labour and all of this had no effect and was still the same as I was the week before. Poor Dougie who just cuddled me and told me to have a good cry and made me cry even more by saying good things come to those who wait, I felt anger and hurt I didn't want the first round of induction never mind a second and all because no one would listen and known myself my body and our baby isn't ready. Dougie leaving the hospital just made me cry even more just feeling alone, exhausted and hurt the feeling of just wanting to get up and leave just to be alone in my own bed with Dougie the one person who does understand, the one person who knows how to make me smile, I finally went to sleep thinking I was in a for a long weekend of induction but that all changed in the morning.

 Raspberry leaf tea and Clary Sage oil, still didn't bring on Labour.

Getting myself motivated out the bed in the morning the doctors came round on the ward round and the words of ' why are we doing this ?' would you like to go home ?'  I couldn't believe it after everything I had been told on Monday about the baby not grown properly, the doctor said she wasn't concerned about me or the baby and didn't feel there was any reason to be putting us through all this.  Dougie came to the hospital to pick me up and the anger on his face after everything he went and spoke to the midwife in charge and was saying about putting in a complaint due to the fact of been mucked about so much and told one thing after another by different doctors, the lovely consultant who is the head of the department came and sat down with me and Dougie , We spoke to her about everything that had happened and how the plan changes each time and for once finally someone was listening she looked at all my notes from the cardiologist who has explained how he isn't worried about me during my pregnancy and the fact he explained IST is  harmless, she explained to us she wasn't worried about me or the baby and is happy we aren't induced and left, she has finally took over my care and has even said there's no reason for me to attend the hospital twice a week as long as I see my own midwife once a week and her on a Friday.

The relief of someone looking everything up and understanding my heart and blood pressure was like a huge weight off my shoulders. The whole growth thing with our baby aswell she said how the other doctors have just been over cautious as our baby was a big baby to start with it needs to slow down so there's nothing to worry about. Me and Dougie left the hospital finally happy that things have changed and someones listened, we don't have the worry of going each week to be told something different and feel now I can enjoy my last few weeks of been pregnant with a well deserved rest before baby Urquhart does decide to make an appearance, hopefully soon as its 8 days till our due date and I am getting pretty impatient just wanting to push my pram around and finally meet my little girl or boy.

All of this just proves how very little doctors know about IST ... maybe one day that will all change.

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Tuesday 4 November 2014

Sadness fills my heart

Going for my growth scan yesterday the look on the sonographer's  face, when you know something is wrong but hearing it, its like hearing it for the first time the sadness filled my heart that our little miracle baby hasn't grown how doctors would hope.

Baby Urquhart is only weighing about 6 pound and on the graph doctors have drew up he/she should have grown so much more in the 4 weeks.

I always knew because of my blood pressure and heart problems and the medication this was always a risk, but after each appointment hearing how well our baby was doing I thought we would never be faced with this, sitting in the waiting room seeing mums come in with babies, more sadness filled me thinking back to anything I could of done different, maybe I should of listened to doctors more, or maybe I should of tried to live without tablets or just maybe if my heart could of been fixed this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

But instead of feeling angry and upset been put on the monitor and  hearing our little baby's heart beating away I remembered how blessed I was to make it this far and be giving this little miracle after everything. Seeing the doctor it was decided because of  this been a new thing with the baby and the growth having stopped they want me to go for one last check on Wednesday and getting induced for a second time on Friday, and basically no matter what happens this time I will be leaving with a baby.

This time my feelings are different about the induction, last time feeling nervous and excited, this time I have set myself up for it not working again and thinking the worst so anything that's gained is a bonus, the midwife keeps telling me it wouldn't be the end of the world if it fails and I need a c-section but known how hard it will be with my heart to recover scares me not to mention needing all the energy in the world to look after a newborn, but known I am getting closer to meeting our baby no matter what it takes even having bad days with tachycardia to hold this amazing thing I have watched grow despite everything and finally be a mummy, and of course having Dougie by my side makes it so much easier, he is my rock through all the bad times.

During the scan our little baby was seen sticking its tongue in and out and doesn't seem to have a care in the world, who knows what life holds for our baby, I know the most important lesson I will teach baby Urquhart is to live each day like its your last, live life the the full and dream as if you will live forever.

Baby Urquharts graph has started to tail off                      

38 baby Bump (boy or girl )

 My husband,bestfriend, my world, my complete rock <3

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Sunday 2 November 2014

failed Induction, self discharge... Will you listen yet ??

After my last post I was booked in to be induced at 37 weeks which was Monday, Me and Dougie got up in the morning and were both feeling excited that we were going to hospital to have our baby, but that didn't happen. Arriving at the hospital my blood pressure was checked and the same thing again of it been high so there was a delay before doctors could start me off as I was giving a thing called a pessary which is inserted to release hormones to help ripen the cervix which may stimulate contractions and doctors were worried if I became sore my blood pressure would get worse. After a long 6 hours I finally got the hormone but 24 hours later I was only 1cm dilated, So the next step I was giving Gel to help soften and dilate my cervix every 6 hours.. but after a long 72 hours still there was no change, as well as giving the gel the doctor carried out a sweep in the hope this would bring on labour but still nothing happened. On Thursday night I had been giving all the medication and gel I was aloud so doctors decided to let me home for a rest, they were going to try and break my waters but because my cervix was classed as unfavourable the doctor warned I was at a very high risk of that failing and needing forceps or a caesarean section, so decided against this, me and Dougie left the hospital finally glad to be getting home after a long 4 stressful days but disappointed we were leaving without our baby. The induction process was horrible and spent most of the days in tears as hearing over and over again that there was still no change and everyone else coming and going round to labour ward was soul destroying that my body was failing the induction. I always knew this could happen as doctors had told me the risks with only being 37 weeks but I think I had lied to myself and never faced up to this happening, but part of me felt angry that I didn't want to be induced in the first place and it was all because of doctors not understanding my condition and just panicking at my blood pressure.

If things couldn't get any worse they did returning the next again day to have my blood pressure checked which yet again was high .... which is my normal and over and over again trying to explain myself and how this is normal for me and trying to explain about my heart the doctor finally decided they were happy to leave me a week to see how things go and if things did get worse they would look at a second induction, but giving a date to return on Sunday just filled me more with anger as the same story of a rest turns into returning every 24 hours.

I am physically and mentally exhausted, I am spending most days in tears as I feel no one is listening and over and over again I hear doctors say I don't understand how serious this blood pressure is for me or the baby, when its my normal and know my own body the doctor I had seen the week before had tried to increase my beta blockers but agreeing with her I never did and the doctors I have seen since I have told them my reasons why I haven't increased them as its far to much and this then causes me to become unwell with low blood pressure.

Returning on the Sunday just made things even worse as its the weekend the day assessment clinic is closed so I had to attend the triage unit which is used for emergency's already I felt like a time waster as I amt an emergency and had only been checked 24 hours ago I  felt there was no need to be checked again but turning up in the morning my appointment turned into 4 hour one ... and resulted in me signing a self discharge sheet as the same story again of my bloods been fine, baby been fine but my blood pressure been high ... like it always is I finally lost the will to live and signed myself out ... tiered frustrated and feeling let down.

From the start I have done everything doctors have said is for the best ... and instead I just feel majorly let down a failed induction which should never have happened in the first place, begging them to talk to my cardiologist to maybe help them understand just seems to go unnoticed, breaking down to Dougie and spending the last few days in tears I have lost all faith and trust and the hope of them listening to me the only thing keeping me going is known I will hopefully get to meet our little baby soon and all this sadness and frustration will all be a distant memory. My so called rest ... is to return tomorrow for another growth scan despite the baby been a good size, and then more checks on Tuesday to be left alone and recover from the tieredness and let my heart rest and then I would feel so much better... just doesn't happen for the main reason they don't understand the condition !!!!

   Dear Doctors 

         have you read the spoon theory ?????

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