After my last post I was booked in to be induced at 37 weeks which was Monday, Me and Dougie got up in the morning and were both feeling excited that we were going to hospital to have our baby, but that didn't happen. Arriving at the hospital my blood pressure was checked and the same thing again of it been high so there was a delay before doctors could start me off as I was giving a thing called a pessary which is inserted to release hormones to help ripen the cervix which may stimulate contractions and doctors were worried if I became sore my blood pressure would get worse. After a long 6 hours I finally got the hormone but 24 hours later I was only 1cm dilated, So the next step I was giving Gel to help soften and dilate my cervix every 6 hours.. but after a long 72 hours still there was no change, as well as giving the gel the doctor carried out a sweep in the hope this would bring on labour but still nothing happened. On Thursday night I had been giving all the medication and gel I was aloud so doctors decided to let me home for a rest, they were going to try and break my waters but because my cervix was classed as unfavourable the doctor warned I was at a very high risk of that failing and needing forceps or a caesarean section, so decided against this, me and Dougie left the hospital finally glad to be getting home after a long 4 stressful days but disappointed we were leaving without our baby. The induction process was horrible and spent most of the days in tears as hearing over and over again that there was still no change and everyone else coming and going round to labour ward was soul destroying that my body was failing the induction. I always knew this could happen as doctors had told me the risks with only being 37 weeks but I think I had lied to myself and never faced up to this happening, but part of me felt angry that I didn't want to be induced in the first place and it was all because of doctors not understanding my condition and just panicking at my blood pressure.
If things couldn't get any worse they did returning the next again day to have my blood pressure checked which yet again was high .... which is my normal and over and over again trying to explain myself and how this is normal for me and trying to explain about my heart the doctor finally decided they were happy to leave me a week to see how things go and if things did get worse they would look at a second induction, but giving a date to return on Sunday just filled me more with anger as the same story of a rest turns into returning every 24 hours.
I am physically and mentally exhausted, I am spending most days in tears as I feel no one is listening and over and over again I hear doctors say I don't understand how serious this blood pressure is for me or the baby, when its my normal and know my own body the doctor I had seen the week before had tried to increase my beta blockers but agreeing with her I never did and the doctors I have seen since I have told them my reasons why I haven't increased them as its far to much and this then causes me to become unwell with low blood pressure.
Returning on the Sunday just made things even worse as its the weekend the day assessment clinic is closed so I had to attend the triage unit which is used for emergency's already I felt like a time waster as I amt an emergency and had only been checked 24 hours ago I felt there was no need to be checked again but turning up in the morning my appointment turned into 4 hour one ... and resulted in me signing a self discharge sheet as the same story again of my bloods been fine, baby been fine but my blood pressure been high ... like it always is I finally lost the will to live and signed myself out ... tiered frustrated and feeling let down.
From the start I have done everything doctors have said is for the best ... and instead I just feel majorly let down a failed induction which should never have happened in the first place, begging them to talk to my cardiologist to maybe help them understand just seems to go unnoticed, breaking down to Dougie and spending the last few days in tears I have lost all faith and trust and the hope of them listening to me the only thing keeping me going is known I will hopefully get to meet our little baby soon and all this sadness and frustration will all be a distant memory. My so called rest ... is to return tomorrow for another growth scan despite the baby been a good size, and then more checks on Tuesday to be left alone and recover from the tieredness and let my heart rest and then I would feel so much better... just doesn't happen for the main reason they don't understand the condition !!!!
have you read the spoon theory ?????
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