Thursday 30 July 2015

My latest faint,hospital stay and A bridesmaid with a heart monitor.

Sunday started like any normal day but slowly as the day went on my health went from one extreme to the next in just a few hours, I collapsed twice, as silly as it sounds when I collapsed for the second time just a few minutes after my first faint I  just didn't have the fight in me anymore to just get up,   I didn't even realise that my heart wasn't fast  it was the complete opposite.

I was supposed to be taking Kian to the park but found myself exhausted, the short walk to the kitchen from the bedroom was leaving me breathless, I slept most of the morning away suddenly waking up and feeling sick I attempted to get up fainted and throw up over the bedroom floor, I was in the house on my own,  picking up my phone I called Dougie were I said to him don't panic but I feel awful am ok but I just fainted, you get completely used to waking up on the floor sweat lashing off you and you know you just have to get up and carry on as normal,  as dougie came rushing in he took one look at me and said were going to the hospital were I found myself collapsing for a second time and this time off the toilet, a lovely picture am sure you can imagine for the two young male paramedics I was greeted by, my leggings and knickers at my ankles pretty embarrassing. No wonder you fainted one of them said to me my blood pressure was low and my heart was beating slow, placing my feet under some pillows  they pulled out a book searching through it so they could give me something to help my blood pressure and heart, but searching for a vein was a challenge and I didn't no at the time my heart rate was slowing down even more, so they gave up and decided it was best just to get me to hospital quickly, helping me to my feet they asked Dougie if I normally looked that colour of green were I just couldn't stand and started throwing up again and that was the last I remembered  I didn't realise at the time I was drifting in and out of conscious everything about the journey is a blur, the paramedics had put a crash call out to resuscitation my heart rate had dropped to 36bpm and it was slowing down even more were they said to Dougie I really wasn't well and he had to get to the hospital quickly but they had to go without him and Kian.

When I came round in resus, the doctor first thought I was maybe bleeding internally and I was giving a scan of my stomach and a chest x-ray but when my bloods all came back normal they knew straight away it was just my heart. I had always been told the risk before my third ablation that where the ablation would be carried out  on my heart  it would carry a high risk that my hearts natural pacemaker could be damaged  but its something you just don't think could actually happen but scanning my heart it was clear this had happened, the cardioligist said to me and Dougie if my heart rate didn't increase I would need a pacemaker to help speed my heart up.

Took to the cardiac ward I spend the night hooked to the monitor, just looking for my heart rate to increase, telling the doctor I had a wedding to go to in Birmingham could I still go, I couldn't even sit without feeling faint he made me the promise that they would have me out and well enough to make the wedding, but sitting on the bed beside me he asked me did I understand what had happened how did I feel about needing a pacemaker ? I couldn't really answer him everything had just happened so fast it was like it was all a dream and I just had to wake up and it would all be over but of course it wasn't a dream it was real and it was real that my heart rate just wasn't increasing, I wasn't aloud out the ward on Monday as fainting again was a high risk my blood pressure was still low, sadness filled my heart how was I meant to be a bridesmaid and walk down the aisle with my best friend if I couldn't even stand up.

Tuesday I was book in for the exercise test, were I was so scared of fainting. the doctor said to me if I wanted to go to the wedding I had to do it and if my heart rate increased even a little with exercise they would discharge me and let me go as I lay on the bed the nurse commented on how he could hardly feel my pulse and printing out the ecg of my heart he went and got a few people to come into the room, pulling a chair behind me they said not to worry but they were worried I was going to faint but if I did they would catch me and get me on the seat before it happened were I reminded them I didn't always get notice but assuring me they would know because I was hooked up to the machine. The test was a challenge but I managed to push through the dizziness, my heart had lots of ectopic beats and increased but was still slow for exercise and only reached 80bpm, I was aloud home but I was told I will likely need a pacemaker at some point to help control my heart but at the moment I could go without one, which  meant I could go to the wedding, I have been told by my cardiologist not to stand for long periods of time, drink lots of fluid and increase my salt intake and I hopefully will get through the wedding without fainting, but if I experienced fast rhythms I had to ride them out without medication because when my heart returned to normal I risked dropping my heart rate even more ,I was giving a new monitor  that is on trial called a Zio monitor and I was one of the lucky 20 people  to get the monitor to try it out, and my cardiologist would know what my heart is doing without me being at the hospital its waterproof and has a battery life of 2 weeks, the next step was fitting it and the big question would it be seen under my bridesmaid dress, heading downstairs they asked me to put my dress on and managed to adapt the fitting around the bridesmaid dress so it wouldn't be seen on the day. I felt like a princess walking about the hospital in a pretty dress instead of a hospital gown. I couldn't thank the amazing staff enough from making me and Dougie tea, toast giving us cake letting Dougie stay with me outside the visiting hours until I fell asleep, and even let me sneak out the ward when the doctor was on lunch just so I could get a cuddle from Kian all this just made the hospital stay that little bit brighter.

                                                           My ecg results of my slow heart beat.

            The new zio monitor which records my heart rhythm for 2 weeks.                      
                                           Trying on the bridesmaid dress in the hospital you wouldn't think I had a monitor under this.


When I was in the ward I found myself question why was it fair ? Why was it fair that I was stuck in a ward with lots of old people who had angina or had heart attacks I was 24 young and fit,When I met with my councillor the next day she asked me how I felt I said guilty I just wanted to be with Kian none of it was his fault, were she said to me but none of its your fault either, she grabbed 3 pieces of different paper, a thick red piece of card a white piece of paper and a blue wrapper she asked me to feel them all and put them on top of each other, first the card then the paper and on the bottom the wrapper she asked me what happens to the wrapper and she ripped it were she said I had to stop putting the strong piece of card on, I could do it to friends and do it for  Kian but instead of always thinking I had to be strong I had to sometimes be like the wrapper and even if I didn't show that scared side to anyone else it was ok to show it to her and underneath all the layers of skin inside I was scared and emotional, and that is something that is very true, and I am sure anyone else with this condition understands how emotionally draining it can all be,

On a brighter note on the 11th of July 3 weeks after my 3rd ablation me and Dougie completed our 10k challenge it took me a slow 1hr 40mins but anyone with ist will understand how difficult it is to exercise so to do a 10k and complete it, was amazing It was tough and definitely a challenge and I felt so unfit, we raised £270 so a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to sponsor us it really does mean so much.

Kian is now 8 months old were has the time gone he now weighs 17lb 13oz still smaller than average babies his age but you know what they say about small things, he has two bottom front teeth has started to crawl backwards and is always just so happy as I have said in my recent blog posts he's my reason for getting up each morning and anyday that's a bad day he always just makes it that little bit brighter, it is tough being a mum and having heart problems, most days I am exhausted running around after him but I wouldn't change it for the world. I only hope one day my health does improve as the guilt is something I hate when I physically can't do things with Kian even though I would like to.

                                         Getting a Kian cuddle in the hospital made me so happy.

I am away the weekend to my friends wedding, I can't wait to be a bridesmaid and I will always remember the day very well because of the hard week before it not to mention how I have to wear the monitor, sometimes you just have to embrace the struggle because it doesn't  last forever and having the right attitude helps  determine the direction you go in.

                                  I got to enjoy the hen party and my heart behaved.

                                                              Love and hugs

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Friday 10 July 2015

Health update - The good, the bad, and a fixed heart even for a little while

My 3rd ablation was Tuesday the 16th of June, leaving kian the night before broke every piece of my heart that didn't already feel broken, I hate leaving him, heading into the hospital it was the only time through everything with my heart I have actually felt so scared, frightened,frightened of not the pain and not physically how I would feel after but mentally,  The wait of waiting to be took round to the labs felt likes forever watching every second pass on the clock, when my cardiologist came to see me that fear grow worse if my hearts natural pacemaker was damaged I would have to stay in hospital to see if it repaired itself, and that would mean not seeing kian for longer, and if it didn't I would need a pacemaker,As any mummies understand its horrible leaving them when there so little but even worse when its not by choice, I dragged myself to the toilet to put my gown on were I bursted into tears ,I knew I needed to just man up,get the gown on and go back out but another part of me thought If I stayed locked in the toilet I wouldn't have to go through with it I literally came out the toilet when the nurse came to take me to the cath labs.

It was a lovely nurse called Jeff everyone needs a nurse like Jeff being left to say goodbye to Dougie, Jeff told me to not looked so frightened I explained my fears of how I felt it all the last time and how it was so painful he told me not to even speak just growl at him and he would give me more sedation, It was like I started to block out everything lying on the table my mind a complete blank I didn't want to talk to anyone I just wanted to lie wrap myself up in a ball and cry, placing all the monitors on me and the woman asking how old my baby was I really didn't want to talk I just wanted it all to be over,The lovely nurse  Jeff came over to give me some sedation and telling me a joke about an octopus I didn't laugh I cant even remember the joke, I didn't want to laugh, there was music playing and I slowly felt myself going calm with the medication  I didn't even feel the local being injected into my groin, its that nice feeling of you know what's happening but your to tiered to care, as soon as they started I felt the pain in my chest of the wires, and asked for more sedation, I don' really remember how long into it but I remember him telling me he was going to do some treatment and feeling my heart racing so much but I always found closing my eyes and just letting it race known it was all a step closer to hopefully being fixed, I can't remember much else I guess I must of been sedated more when I woke up I actually through I had dreamt my heart had been fixed but I hadn't dreamt it, it was real my heart had been fixed were my heart rate was dropped from 150bpm down to 80bpm and there was a huge difference in the P waves of my heart, but that he had discovered another part but that part didn't seem to be doing anything at the time, I was told it was tricky and had took 8 attempts of burning it to destroy it and this time unlike my other attempts my heart was really sensitive to adrenaline.  Doing an ecg a few hours later my heart rate had dropped to 55bpm were he even double checked it, and didn't seem concerned how low it had went, he said this was amazing he had never seen my heart so slow and even asked if I felt better already.

    I looked the colour of the sheets but my heart dropped to an amazing 55bpm after the ablation.

Recovering from the ablation was hard, Dougie went back to work the next day sore and exhausted I had a 7 month old baby to look after aswell as myself, but running around after Kian I didn't notice my heart at all had no dizziness no fainting nothing, walking to the shops with Kian I could push the pram and not feel out of breath, I could bath him and could even manage a hot bath myself without having to lie down with the dizzy or faint feeling and lasted 3 weeks with no symptoms, and no medication.

Reaching the end of the week I started to get bad chest pain were I physically couldn't move picking up the phone I phoned Dougie he had to come home he was out with friends and I felt awful dragging him away but I needed help, Kian was screaming fighting his sleep and I couldn't even pick him up the pain was unbearable and even  swallowing painkillers they weren't even touching it, phoning nhs 24 they told me to go straight to hospital, this even angered me It was late at night and Kian was now asleep I had to arrange someone to come over to watch him. At hospital It was a busy Friday night and left sitting on a chair in the middle of the corridor for over an hour  I felt invisible the nurses just walking passed like I wasn't even there, it would of been nice for someone to explain what was going on what I was waiting on or even if they asked how I felt yet nobody did, I sat feeling more angry watching all the drunk people falling about, I didn't want to be here I was actually ready to get up and leave I was tiered exhausted and generally fed up  when a nurse called me taking me into a bay I was giving an Ecg which caught some abnormalities giving a chest x'ray and bloods to rule out a blood clot by this point I had been awake for over 24hours lying on the bed I felt like everyone was really far away, like down at a far end of a corridor yet it was really noisy,The same answer of it's all just my heart again I pulled my drip out and left, I feel embarrassed the way I acted am normally so calm, patient and understanding but that Friday I had simply had enough.

Heading to my check up with my doctor I explained everything that had happened, taking my pulse which was 161bpm she told me to take my heart tablets the ivabradine to control it, and I just had to carry on as much as possible and turned to look at Kian in the pram and said he needed me to, I just had to sit and wait it all out  and just try to deal with it as best as I could, my cardiologist is organising another 24 hour monitor and then we would go from there. I wanted to grab a crate of red bull put it in front of her, tell her to drink it all, not eat anything donate a pint of blood stand up and get on with it because it's not easy, and even harder with a baby.

Me and my beautiful  little boy Kian

The few days my heart was fixed I treasured how well and good I did feel, like when I was pregnant,when you have had that 'I feel better' feeling you realise how bad you do feel, when that feeling is gone, and you question if it was best to have  never had that feeling, because then you wouldn't no what that feeling is like and you wouldn't miss it the feeling of a normal heart.

Saturday is mine and dougie's 10 k were I am still going ahead with it I am determined to run,walk or even crawl over the finishing line, having that has gave me something to focus on, and raising money is a way of helping others with this awful condition, as I do truly hope one day there might be a permanent fix and more research done on ist and I always hold onto that hope. Saturday will be pushing my heart to a new limit and I really don't no how it will cope I have never ever done anything like it, I walked a marathon before my heart problems but this will be the first time doing something with my inappropriate heart. If you would like to support us and donate every penny really counts you can do so on our just giving page, the link is below, and don't forget to share my story, to spread the awareness on ist.

Kian is now 33 weeks nearly 8 months were has the time gone it just feels like he was born yesterday, he makes every morning worth getting up, and my main reason for carrying on and not giving up, Its harder now he's on the move he can't crawl but rolls everywere and shuffles I can't keep up with him most days he tries to climb out of everything and you really can't take your eyes off him for 2 mins.

33 weeks today, puts his arms up to be lifted, has started to shuffle across the room , tries to climb out of everything even the jumparoo by grabbing onto the birds 🙈 is frightened of the Hoover and screams when he sees it laughs at other children,screams if you take something off him likes to open wipes and pull them out by one still doesn't like men and cries if they speak to him ,loves his food and likes everything but broccoli which he spits out ,still sleeps through the night always full of smiles, such a proud mummy 

                                                 Love and hugs to you all

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