Thursday 29 January 2015

My baby boy at 10 weeks old

To my little Monster Kian

Your now nearly a quarter of a year old, your one of the happiest babies I know constantly smiling and laughing at anything and everything, you love to smile at your reflection in the mirror. I put you down in your big cot with the mobile and you loved it, the rabbits spin and play music you get so excited watching it your legs start to kick you wave your hands about and your eyes follow it you start smiling and screeching at it you always get so excited.

You also have a thing for your hands dad laughs because I call you a little magician but you also clasp them together and play with them and they also always end up in the mouth your necks getting stronger and are managing to hold it up. You keep giving me a fright every morning I wake up as you some how always manage to kick all the way to the top of your little carry cot and pull your shawl over your face and just laugh and smile when I try to pull it down and tuck it in. Your such an amazing sleeper going down between half 9 -10 and sleeping right through to half 6 -7.

When I took you for your jags the other week you screamed I think you were the loudest in the doctors but when I sat feeding you in the waiting room you started smiling and laughing at the other babies. Your slowly starting to grow out of your newborn clothes and making your way into 3 month outfits you were 9lb 3oz at 7 weeks old  I can't believe how quickly you are growing up we are starting a  baby massage class next week and I think am way more excited than you are, but you hate when I take your clothes off and your lips shiver so I am unsure if you will like it.

Love Mummy xxxxxx

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Thursday 22 January 2015

One year After my second failed Heart Ablation

On 22nd of January 2014 only 16 weeks after my first unsuccessful ablation I went in for my second one but after a long 4 hours I got the news again doctors couldn't fix my heart. I will remember this day like yesterday I could tell  by my cardiologists face it hadn't went to plan. Spending the day on the ward seeing everyone else going round to the labs and coming back fixed just made it worse. All I could think of was why mine couldn't mine be fixed like there's. I spent the whole day in floods of tears just feeling so many different emotions and the worst one blaming myself thinking if there was anything I had done to cause all my heart problems.

A year on I have achieved so much even though I still live each day bothered by my heart problems, the biggest one being, having my little boy Kian. I spent most of 2014 in hospital during my pregnancy but I learned so much during this time and the biggest one is how many medical professionals know nothing about ist, the constant battle I faced each day trying to explain it all and how frustrating it was. I am grateful as without my heart problems I wouldn't be the person I am today or the attitude I have gained. Growing up I was always shy, and worried about simple little things like being late or missing my bus or caring what people thought like on occasions when I have  had to take to lying on the floor in the street to stop myself from passing out I used to feel embarrassed .. now I just do it as its all a part of me and when you do get someone kind enough that asks if you need help or even speaks to you without crossing the road it makes you realize not everyone is a bad person and there is good people in the big bad world we live in.

I managed all 9 months of pregnancy without my normal heart medication and a full 8 weeks of breastfeeding Kian without tablets, with one faint before new year but going to my check up last week my doctor picked up my heart was racing and my blood pressure was extremely high so I have now been giving the drug Ivabradine to try but as the 5mg last year made me suffer from bradycardia I am on the small dose of 2.5mg. Taking these was such an effort the other day as they don't come in half sizes and spent Monday morning cutting them in half and them flying about all over the kitchen floor .. which was brilliant spending the morning picking them all up which was a great workout for the heart, I have still been treated for an infection aswell since having Kian which has made my heart problems worse and I am now on my 4th lot of antibiotics. I started my new tablets and already I hate the side effects the sore chest the blurry vision and feeling constantly out of breath, I am going back in 4 weeks so the doctor can check my heart and blood pressure again and hopefully things have improved as my gp said it can't stay like that with how high it is.

Today instead of thinking it was a year ago my heart couldn't be fixed and instead of feeling sad or angry I have learned to accept its all a part of me and its made me who I am today  and for that I am grateful.

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Sunday 11 January 2015

2014 ( I know Its Late)


                                   One of the best years !!!

This year has been full of some really great ups, but also some really sad lows. We lost some amazing people in our lives, but we also gained one of the best gifts we could ever ask for and the journey me and Dougie faced this year was a difficult one.

I started 2014 in hospital, welcoming new year by a hospital bed with  my racing heart were I needed medication to slow my heart down, to go through my next failed ablation only 3 weeks later and to be diagnosed with IST, I became so unwell with the new drug Ivabradine and was admitted into hospital again in Febuary.

We celebrated my 23rd birthday in Newcastle with great friends and discovered our news a week later that I was pregnant. We went for our first scan on April the 2nd and we seen our little baby's heart beating at 7 weeks 2days which was a small flashing light.

In June me and Dougie went on holiday to Benidorm and enjoyed the sun and a well deserved break, I took part in bare your bump for the British heart foundation to raise awareness for babies born with heart conditions, and was voted one of the winners, I also took part in heart rhythm week and raised awareness and money for the charity Arrhythmia Alliance, but the next again day I was admitted into hospital for a long 5 nights were I struggled with my heart.

In July we got the news that our baby was healthy and my heart was behaving and was feeling really well, only a week later Dougie's grandad sadly passed away and a week after that  his Nana also passed away.

In August this was when my heart and blood pressure started acting up and I spent the rest of my pregnancy in and out of hospital going to day assessment for scans twice a week to check the baby, finishing my last shift from work in September I even spent my first night of my holidays in hospital.

From October my health got worse and I spent long days and nights in hospital with the battle of my blood pressure and fast beating heart, Doctors decided to induce me early because of how bad my health was becoming  and on Monday the 27th of October at 37 weeks pregnant I went into hospital for the first round of induction were after a long 4 days and nights there was still no sign of baby Urquhart, 8 days later we went in for our second round of induction which failed again and we also discovered the news that baby Urquhart had stopped growing properly which was put down to my blood pressure problems.Going into hospital for a third time to be induced and doctors breaking my waters on Wednesday the 19th of November , 2 days late at 08.47 our son Kian Patrick James made a quick entrance into the world which was one of the best days in my life.

The rest of the year has been spent recovering from having Kian, and I finished 2014 in hospital just the way I started it, (but this time I made it out before the bells so not quite how I started it  ) 2014 was a difficult one but so worth all the bad health to meet my amazing son Kian. 2014 will be a hard year to beat but looking forward to what 2015 brings. and for me I hope better health.

Love and Hugs

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