Thursday 22 January 2015

One year After my second failed Heart Ablation

On 22nd of January 2014 only 16 weeks after my first unsuccessful ablation I went in for my second one but after a long 4 hours I got the news again doctors couldn't fix my heart. I will remember this day like yesterday I could tell  by my cardiologists face it hadn't went to plan. Spending the day on the ward seeing everyone else going round to the labs and coming back fixed just made it worse. All I could think of was why mine couldn't mine be fixed like there's. I spent the whole day in floods of tears just feeling so many different emotions and the worst one blaming myself thinking if there was anything I had done to cause all my heart problems.

A year on I have achieved so much even though I still live each day bothered by my heart problems, the biggest one being, having my little boy Kian. I spent most of 2014 in hospital during my pregnancy but I learned so much during this time and the biggest one is how many medical professionals know nothing about ist, the constant battle I faced each day trying to explain it all and how frustrating it was. I am grateful as without my heart problems I wouldn't be the person I am today or the attitude I have gained. Growing up I was always shy, and worried about simple little things like being late or missing my bus or caring what people thought like on occasions when I have  had to take to lying on the floor in the street to stop myself from passing out I used to feel embarrassed .. now I just do it as its all a part of me and when you do get someone kind enough that asks if you need help or even speaks to you without crossing the road it makes you realize not everyone is a bad person and there is good people in the big bad world we live in.

I managed all 9 months of pregnancy without my normal heart medication and a full 8 weeks of breastfeeding Kian without tablets, with one faint before new year but going to my check up last week my doctor picked up my heart was racing and my blood pressure was extremely high so I have now been giving the drug Ivabradine to try but as the 5mg last year made me suffer from bradycardia I am on the small dose of 2.5mg. Taking these was such an effort the other day as they don't come in half sizes and spent Monday morning cutting them in half and them flying about all over the kitchen floor .. which was brilliant spending the morning picking them all up which was a great workout for the heart, I have still been treated for an infection aswell since having Kian which has made my heart problems worse and I am now on my 4th lot of antibiotics. I started my new tablets and already I hate the side effects the sore chest the blurry vision and feeling constantly out of breath, I am going back in 4 weeks so the doctor can check my heart and blood pressure again and hopefully things have improved as my gp said it can't stay like that with how high it is.

Today instead of thinking it was a year ago my heart couldn't be fixed and instead of feeling sad or angry I have learned to accept its all a part of me and its made me who I am today  and for that I am grateful.

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