Sunday 31 August 2014

Beta Blockers and Pregnancy

Hey everyone

When I was only 7 weeks pregnant and first had my pregnancy confirmed I was classed as a high risk and me and Dougie were told the risks due to my health and taking beta blockers to control my heart made it more likely  we were going to have a smaller baby.

Swallowing beta blockers day and night just to control my heart made me feel sad and angry as I just want our baby to have the best start at life and hated myself for not been able to live with the symptoms, but for me this was never an option as a day without heart tablets leaves me physically unable to do anything without fainting. On |Friday morning I had the first growth scan booked and that morning everything started to sink in and a little bit of  sadness started to fill my heart knowing if there was problems it was all because of me, but to our amazement our baby at 28 weeks 4 days is actually measuring bigger than average, seen the little face appear on the screen just makes my love grow for our baby even more and then hearing the heart beating loudly and the midwife said it sounded like a horse galloping is just so precious and after each appointment I am more and more grateful that I have made it this far despite everything with my health and I know with each day that passes I am closer to meeting our strong baby.

I feel this baby has made me stronger as a person as with each day I gain more and more confidence to go out alone and the the fear of passing out  no longer exists  I stopped all my painkillers and other medication and control my feelings without having to rely on medication, this week was hard as mentally and physically I am trying to make it to work  and complete each day without having to say I don't feel well and have being doing it really well but I am physically exhausted coming in from work and spending the whole day and night sleeping, even going for a shower now or combing my hair is becoming a task leaving me having to lie down for hours after it as some days I am having bad days with my heart and this week I did break down crying saying to Dougie I didn't no what was wrong with me as normally a days rest helps but this week no matter how much I slept the feeling of being dizzy,exhausted and my heart pounding wouldn't shift.

The obstetrician I seen on Friday after my scan was amazing and I spoke with her about the way I was feeling and how I was starting to struggle with my heart and she said she wasn't suprised I was so exhausted and we spoke about increasing my beta blockers or putting me back on the ones that I was on before I was pregnant but I myself want to wait and see if things improve before doing this, we also spoke about labour as my midwife had said she wasn't sure if they would let the baby come naturally but because I control my condition well and keep fit and well despite the heart they think the best option is a natural birth and we spoke about giving me drugs to control my heart during labour and to my shock they said a c -section would put strain on my heart and strain after with the pain and recovery so putting strain on it during labour and controlling it is the best option, unless my health decreases.

At the moment we have a breach baby but have been told there is plenty time for it to move and also found out I have a thing called an anterior  placenta which explains why I don't feel movements as much as I should as my placenta is acting like a cushion between me and the baby which is fab for me sleeping and things at night all of this helping my heart, here is hoping at the next scan our baby has grown as big this time strong mummies really do make strong babies, 11 weeks left till our due date and counting down.

                     Our little baby at 28 weeks 4 days measuring bigger than average despite beta blockers.

My 28 week 4 day Bump (boyorgirl)

Tuesday 12 August 2014


waking up to the shocking news this morning that Robin Williams has taken his own life is a shock.
It Just goes to show you that you really have no idea of the demons people hide behind closed doors,
We all grow up to the films of Mrs Doubtfire, Aladdin  and Hook to name a few so how come a famous actor can end up feeling so alone that the only way out is to take his own life ?. depression seems to be hidden alot in this society and something people don't seek help or talk about when it effects so many people.
I myself can be bad for this I act like everything is fine, I smile I laugh and joke with friends but being on my own I start to get teary its like a switch goes off and sometimes I feel sad about my health when I say I am struggling  I remember that I said it the time before and even the time before that maybe even last week or just last month I feel there's constantly something new or something I have already experienced, I used to use the phase one day at a time but now I look at it as a few hours at a time and that helps, am sure we all have teary sad days but its important to know when your just feeling a little low or when you should seek help.

I am lucky I have Dougie who lifts my mood when I am feeling down and things are getting to me but others are not so lucky so its important to speak to someone about the way your feeling or phone the Samaritans. also always remember you never know when one kind word you say or the smile you give someone will be saving another life, your every encounter has some kind of impact on another's life and also always treat others how you yourself like to be treated you never now what others are going through, the battles they face or what hides behind there smile.

Love and hugs


Another Setback !

Hey Everyone

Well after a few stressful weeks things finally got back on track after Dougies granddad passing away exactly a week later his nana also sadly passed and burying them both in the space of 4 days apart, it seems things got to much for me and baby Urquhart. To start off the week I fell down the stairs and this caused a trip to accident and emergency were doctors didn't want to x-ray my leg with being pregnant and didn't think it was broken and that I had just bruised the bone below my knee cap but still managed to make it to work .. which was my first day back since my last hospital stay so despite being in pain I worked through it, you think things couldn't get worse but they did ,waking up on Saturday morning I didn't feel to well but Dougie had surprised me with tickets for the ladyboys that night at the Edinburgh festival, not wanting to let him down I didn't let on how I was feeling and slapped some make up on my face and headed out, I really enjoyed the ladyboys but going for a meal after I didn't eat anything just wanting to go to bed to sleep off the way I was feeling, on Sunday morning feeling a lot better we got ready to head to the shops it was at this point I realised something could be wrong with the baby as I had started to not feel movements phoning the midwife she told us to head to the hospital straight away were they checked baby Urquhart over and all appeared fine, but on the other hand my blood pressure and heart rate were to high so I was admitted back into hospital were It was also discovered I had yet another infection so placed on more antibiotics, but it appeared that baby Urquhart was also trying to compete with my fast heart rate, I was discharged the next again day once my heart rate and blood pressure had settled but juggling work and feeling ok is becoming quite a task since my good days don't seem to last.

  High blood pressure is happening alot despite being on beta blockers

 Baby Urquhart decided to compete with the fast heart rate<3
At  Least I got to rest my sore knees for a day !
 A Smile can hide so much <3

Thursday 7 August 2014

Maybe then You would believe me ?

Hey Everyone

Invisible Illness <3

Hearing over and over again 'you look good' 'you look healthy'
I sometimes freeze and don't no what to say, maybe if you could see the bruises I feel, if they were blue, purple and green. If the burned skin blistered, or maybe even burned your skin too, If the tremors were more violent, if my sore muscles screamed louder and you could hear the cracking of my joints or the pounding in my head if the shooting pains in my chest were little sparks of light and the dull aching was a bright red glow. If you could see the fog swirling around my brain. If you took my hand or touched my shoulder and you could feel how heavy the weight is, if the sadness made me waste away and the fatigue swallowed me up... and I never woke up.
Maybe then you would believe me, wouldn't you ?

At the moment I feel In a constant battle me against my body, my passion and my dreams and what I want to do with my life against what I am physically able to do of all the problems in my life, the hurt pain and frustration there is one thing that bothers me the most and it is ignorance of people, having a condition that affects your life in so many ways is enough to deal with.

The reason for my rant today as recently I have been getting a lot of stares as YES I am registered with a disability something I don't shout at the top of my lungs not only do I suffer from ist that causes me to black out I also struggle with my mobility due to my knees, and the ignorant comments and snobby looks I have been receiving lately. My knees have became a lot worse with being pregnant and can only walk so far and then they start to swell and give way not to mention the pain, but heading to the shops the other day Dougie parked into a disabled bay something I don't normally do when I am feeling ok and not in to much pain, and the comments of
' When did being pregnant become a disability'
I have learned to accept people don't see invisible disabilities but sometimes wish people wouldn't be so narrow minded, my knees get me down more than having my heart issues as things I loved doing so much I have had to give up. Since my operation I have never been able to walk up stairs and have to rely on lifts, going swimming alone which helps my knees cannot be done and need to rely on Dougie as the battle of getting in and out the pool I cant do alone, Going on holiday I always wait to be the last on the plane due to my slow walking and having to go up the plane stairs one at a time, people might ask why I don't go when they call for elderly and children but I never like to be treated different and try and keep all the dignity I have left with my mobility, even learning to drive became a task having to switch to automatic ... with left footed pedals as I am now physically unable to move my right knee from pedals.

We are all human, we can not define normal so accept people for who they are, and remember "treat others how you, yourself would like to be treated".

Even on My hen Party I became a hooter Girl In a knee Brace <3

So all I am trying to say is that something visible shouldn't cause judgement and turn heads in society it should stop. And that an invisible disability shouldn't cause judgement either unless you know the full story. I'm going to leave you with this question. If you were judged, stared at or treated horrible by people because of a disability whether it be physical or not. How would you like it? How would you feel?

Thank you for reading. Please share and lets change the way the society thinks and their ignorance to disabilities.

Love and Hugs Danielle xxxx

 A Note Dougie Left at hospital once after just leaving the car to help me in because I couldn't walk far <3

The Knee Braces I have been in when knee has been Really sore