I was supposed to be taking Kian to the park but found myself exhausted, the short walk to the kitchen from the bedroom was leaving me breathless, I slept most of the morning away suddenly waking up and feeling sick I attempted to get up fainted and throw up over the bedroom floor, I was in the house on my own, picking up my phone I called Dougie were I said to him don't panic but I feel awful am ok but I just fainted, you get completely used to waking up on the floor sweat lashing off you and you know you just have to get up and carry on as normal, as dougie came rushing in he took one look at me and said were going to the hospital were I found myself collapsing for a second time and this time off the toilet, a lovely picture am sure you can imagine for the two young male paramedics I was greeted by, my leggings and knickers at my ankles pretty embarrassing. No wonder you fainted one of them said to me my blood pressure was low and my heart was beating slow, placing my feet under some pillows they pulled out a book searching through it so they could give me something to help my blood pressure and heart, but searching for a vein was a challenge and I didn't no at the time my heart rate was slowing down even more, so they gave up and decided it was best just to get me to hospital quickly, helping me to my feet they asked Dougie if I normally looked that colour of green were I just couldn't stand and started throwing up again and that was the last I remembered I didn't realise at the time I was drifting in and out of conscious everything about the journey is a blur, the paramedics had put a crash call out to resuscitation my heart rate had dropped to 36bpm and it was slowing down even more were they said to Dougie I really wasn't well and he had to get to the hospital quickly but they had to go without him and Kian.
When I came round in resus, the doctor first thought I was maybe bleeding internally and I was giving a scan of my stomach and a chest x-ray but when my bloods all came back normal they knew straight away it was just my heart. I had always been told the risk before my third ablation that where the ablation would be carried out on my heart it would carry a high risk that my hearts natural pacemaker could be damaged but its something you just don't think could actually happen but scanning my heart it was clear this had happened, the cardioligist said to me and Dougie if my heart rate didn't increase I would need a pacemaker to help speed my heart up.
Took to the cardiac ward I spend the night hooked to the monitor, just looking for my heart rate to increase, telling the doctor I had a wedding to go to in Birmingham could I still go, I couldn't even sit without feeling faint he made me the promise that they would have me out and well enough to make the wedding, but sitting on the bed beside me he asked me did I understand what had happened how did I feel about needing a pacemaker ? I couldn't really answer him everything had just happened so fast it was like it was all a dream and I just had to wake up and it would all be over but of course it wasn't a dream it was real and it was real that my heart rate just wasn't increasing, I wasn't aloud out the ward on Monday as fainting again was a high risk my blood pressure was still low, sadness filled my heart how was I meant to be a bridesmaid and walk down the aisle with my best friend if I couldn't even stand up.
Tuesday I was book in for the exercise test, were I was so scared of fainting. the doctor said to me if I wanted to go to the wedding I had to do it and if my heart rate increased even a little with exercise they would discharge me and let me go as I lay on the bed the nurse commented on how he could hardly feel my pulse and printing out the ecg of my heart he went and got a few people to come into the room, pulling a chair behind me they said not to worry but they were worried I was going to faint but if I did they would catch me and get me on the seat before it happened were I reminded them I didn't always get notice but assuring me they would know because I was hooked up to the machine. The test was a challenge but I managed to push through the dizziness, my heart had lots of ectopic beats and increased but was still slow for exercise and only reached 80bpm, I was aloud home but I was told I will likely need a pacemaker at some point to help control my heart but at the moment I could go without one, which meant I could go to the wedding, I have been told by my cardiologist not to stand for long periods of time, drink lots of fluid and increase my salt intake and I hopefully will get through the wedding without fainting, but if I experienced fast rhythms I had to ride them out without medication because when my heart returned to normal I risked dropping my heart rate even more ,I was giving a new monitor that is on trial called a Zio monitor and I was one of the lucky 20 people to get the monitor to try it out, and my cardiologist would know what my heart is doing without me being at the hospital its waterproof and has a battery life of 2 weeks, the next step was fitting it and the big question would it be seen under my bridesmaid dress, heading downstairs they asked me to put my dress on and managed to adapt the fitting around the bridesmaid dress so it wouldn't be seen on the day. I felt like a princess walking about the hospital in a pretty dress instead of a hospital gown. I couldn't thank the amazing staff enough from making me and Dougie tea, toast giving us cake letting Dougie stay with me outside the visiting hours until I fell asleep, and even let me sneak out the ward when the doctor was on lunch just so I could get a cuddle from Kian all this just made the hospital stay that little bit brighter.
My ecg results of my slow heart beat.
The new zio monitor which records my heart rhythm for 2 weeks.
When I was in the ward I found myself question why was it fair ? Why was it fair that I was stuck in a ward with lots of old people who had angina or had heart attacks I was 24 young and fit,When I met with my councillor the next day she asked me how I felt I said guilty I just wanted to be with Kian none of it was his fault, were she said to me but none of its your fault either, she grabbed 3 pieces of different paper, a thick red piece of card a white piece of paper and a blue wrapper she asked me to feel them all and put them on top of each other, first the card then the paper and on the bottom the wrapper she asked me what happens to the wrapper and she ripped it were she said I had to stop putting the strong piece of card on, I could do it to friends and do it for Kian but instead of always thinking I had to be strong I had to sometimes be like the wrapper and even if I didn't show that scared side to anyone else it was ok to show it to her and underneath all the layers of skin inside I was scared and emotional, and that is something that is very true, and I am sure anyone else with this condition understands how emotionally draining it can all be,
On a brighter note on the 11th of July 3 weeks after my 3rd ablation me and Dougie completed our 10k challenge it took me a slow 1hr 40mins but anyone with ist will understand how difficult it is to exercise so to do a 10k and complete it, was amazing It was tough and definitely a challenge and I felt so unfit, we raised £270 so a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to sponsor us it really does mean so much.
Kian is now 8 months old were has the time gone he now weighs 17lb 13oz still smaller than average babies his age but you know what they say about small things, he has two bottom front teeth has started to crawl backwards and is always just so happy as I have said in my recent blog posts he's my reason for getting up each morning and anyday that's a bad day he always just makes it that little bit brighter, it is tough being a mum and having heart problems, most days I am exhausted running around after him but I wouldn't change it for the world. I only hope one day my health does improve as the guilt is something I hate when I physically can't do things with Kian even though I would like to.
Getting a Kian cuddle in the hospital made me so happy.
I am away the weekend to my friends wedding, I can't wait to be a bridesmaid and I will always remember the day very well because of the hard week before it not to mention how I have to wear the monitor, sometimes you just have to embrace the struggle because it doesn't last forever and having the right attitude helps determine the direction you go in.
I got to enjoy the hen party and my heart behaved.
Love and hugs
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