Monday 31 August 2015

Added to the waiting List for a pacemaker

After my last blog post, I managed to enjoy and be a part of my friends wedding despite how bad my health had been just a few days before, The zio monitor I had been fitted with was such a hassle, the day after it was fitted it started to peel off so I had to stick it down with tape just to stop the orange light from flashing as we were leaving to go to Tamworth that day so I refused to go back to the hospital, I kept it on for the full 14 days like my cardiologist had asked and wearing it at the wedding I even forget it was there,the only down side was when I removed it my skin had took a reaction to it and I was left with broken red skin, wearing the monitor I had been fine no faints no dizziness apart from one spell when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't breath,. The day I posted the monitor I received my appointment to see my cardiologist on the Thursday, were the night before I was awake half the night with worry, when Dougie asked me what I was so worried about,I said to him its what's next, the fear of anymore procedures or the fear of been told there's nothing more they can do, and like many with this condition the fear of been told to just get on with it is the worst thing you can hear.

Some pictures from my lovely friends wedding.

Heading to the appointment on Thursday I found myself walking into the waiting room and my nerves kicked in straight away  I felt like I was on auto pilot, just grabbing the first seat waiting for the nurse to call me, Getting my height, weight and blood pressure checked, the shock when the nurse commented on how good my blood pressure was despite how nervous I felt and its normally always high anyway but this time it was normal, for once I thought just maybe it would be good news, My nerves got worse when I was left sitting in the waiting room for over an hour and a half everyone coming and going and the nurse telling me he hadn't forgetting about me he was running late,  picking up the metro paper  news papers aren't normally something I read but anything to try and calm me down I came across the story of the tragic event that happened in  Glasgow were a bin lorry crashed killing and injuring people only a few days before Christmas last year, which I remember so well as me and Dougie had visited my friend in Glasgow who had just moved there on the same day and found ourselves thinking how blessed we were  as we were there only a few hours before it happened with Kian who was just a few weeks old, and the paper spoke about how the driver lost control of the lorry as he had blacked out and for years had been suffering dizzy spells and black outs, I found myself so focused on the story since dizzy spells and black outs are a part of my life, you never really hear of accidents happening to others because of black outs, but it truly shows how dangerous it can all be and to come across the story waiting to be seen took my mind off the nerves but also made me think a lot about my own health and all the black outs I have had.

My cardiologist calling my name I was so stuck in thought that I didn't hear him the first time, asking me how I was and how the baby was, my nerves slowly calmed down, he apologised about everything that had happened and how I had been stuck in Hospital while he was on Holiday, looking over my event monitor he said it didn't show anything drastic, but days my heart was still very fast depending what I was doing that day and was still reaching high rates of  165bpm , explaining to him how I had felt  fine apart from that one day were I had woke up from sleeping feeling like I couldn't breath properly, flicking the piece of paper over he said at 4am my heart had dropped down to 40bpm and also my heart had long pauses, which explained that horrible symptom of waking up feeling breathless, he asked me my thoughts on a pacemaker, and said in the letter he had wrote to me, he had actually wrote saying I wouldn't  need one, but after me explaining the way I felt and how I woke up from it, looking at the stress test results my heart doesn't increase as much as it should plus taking into account the amount I black out fitting a pacemaker would be the best option. He explained to me that he didn't think anything had been damaged during my last ablation and if anything it had been the 1st or 2nd ablation that had caused some damage, but in his opinion my hearts natural pacemaker had never worked properly but it just hadn't been picked up because the atrial tachycardia had always hid it, but by that being  successfully ablated has just shown how much my hearts sinus node doesn't work, he described how at time's its like my heart realises and tries to correct itself ,so a pacemaker was really the only option, were he explained the pacemaker will sleep and only come into effect when my heart doesn't beat properly and this would stop the low rates, he explained how it doesn't really help the fast rhythms but by fitting a pacemaker I would then be able to use medication to control the fast rates without the danger of my heart dropping to low, and worst case another ablation to ablate the fast rhythm away completely. Asking if I was happy to go ahead with it all, I found myself saying yes straight away, he's told me I will have a scar and the battery's need changed and he doesn't normally like to do pacemakers on young people like me for that reason, but that it will improve my quality of life and also stop me being at risk of hurting myself during the black outs, so I was added to the list for a pacemaker and I couldn't thank him enough as I was leaving as he always asks when I want to go back to work and has put it down for it to be done as soon as possible.

I took a reaction to the zio monitor.

I have been asked by a few people how I feel about it all, and am not going to lie am nervous and scared, the fear of not known what to expect, what it will feel like etc, and the biggest fear if it doesn't help,  Am not super woman I do have great strength and I am positive about it all and I know there's some light at the end of this tunnel and with each day passing known am closer to getting the pacemaker mentally I can't get my head round it all and have found myself so stressed about it all, stressed am going to be in hospital again and have to leave Kian, but I hope after this I will finally just be able to get on with life. I feel like I have overcome alot of fears and all this is setting me up for great things ! Rome wasn't built in a day they say and my heart just needs time, I know its sometimes hard to deal with certain situations that are difficult, and I know one day all this will just be a distant memory and I will only be reminded by the scars,
I have been enjoying the summer if you can call it that living in freezing cold Scotland ,In Edinburgh there's the festival which me and Dougie have went to a few things which have been brilliant and I find keeping busy has took my mind off eveything as the worst part is the wait I just want it all to be over.

 Of course I can't forget to update you all on Kian who is now 9 months old, I am so shocked at were the years went and how quickly he's growing up, he's started crawling, using the furniture to get up onto his feet said his first word which is hiya, if you tell him No he shakes his head, and its like he's beginning to understand because when you ask him certain things like 'is Kian in a better mood' he shakes his head, he loves to empty all his balls out the ball pit and throws them around the room and chases them and when I pick them all up and put them back he does it all over again so must days am exhausted with him because it is hard work running around after a baby for anyone but with heart problems its 10 times harder, he also has 2 bottom front teeth and had his first check up at the dentist, reaches upto the table etc for his dummy and puts it in his mouth and even turns it round the right way he's my little ray of sunshine and like I have said before he amazes me so much, how one day he can't do things and the next day he will do it.

                                          Kian next to my big teddy at 37 & 38 weeks.


Love and Hugs

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