Wednesday 4 November 2015

the start of a beautiful new friendship, my pacemaker

Wednesday the 4th

 Where do I start....

I got my pacemaker surgery yesterday and the day started out crazy mad, heading to the hospital and half the hospital being shut off for the sick kids being built we had to walk the long way round so to start off the day I was late .. not like me but yes I am always late for my cardiologist. Being took to the ward the same old checks being done before hand everything was spot on even my heart rate and blood pressure, my cardiologist came to see me after pulling the seat and sitting down beside me I really wasn't prepared for the situation I was about to face, explaining to both me and Dougie how he was still unsure if my ablations had caused the damage or if my heart had always just been this bad but the fast rhythm had just hid it  was something we would never know, he started explaining that even though my hearts sinus node( hearts natural pacemaker) just doesn't work the way a normal persons should I was still so young to go ahead with the pacemaker and even though I have awful symptoms and black out that at this point in my life I wasn't in any immediate danger, and it was at this point he asked me if I would rather wait to think about it all more, that the pacemaker would need to be done at some point but it didn't need to be done right now as he explained once it was done they wouldn't be going back in until the battery needed changed and by then my heart will be totally pacemaker dependent so really the call was up to me, the first thing I asked him was did he not want to do it, were he said he was more than happy to do and he explained compared to my ablations this would be a piece of cake for me and him, but that I had to be certain this is what I really wanted and being so young that I had to understand how many more procedures and endless checks I would need to go through and of course the main one that it wont completely solve my problems, so I had to know deep down I would still have my fast dodgy rhythm and not think this would cure all my problems, if I wasn't nervous enough I sure was now I still decided I wanted to go ahead, he explained that my pacemaker was first on the afternoon list and then I was amazed when he said normally pacemaker patients get kept overnight but since I was young didn't live far away and as long as Dougie was driving me home I could go after it which I was so happy about as  staying in hospital I hate so much and causes me so much anxiety and of course I also miss Kian I signed my name on the consent form to go ahead with the pacemaker.

Once my cardiologist left I found myself getting angry at Dougie who kept asking me if  I was sure about it all, and more angry when he kept saying how It wouldn't fully fix it all did I really understand it , I done the worst thing ever and told him to leave were I found myself sitting with my own thoughts till the porter came to take me along for my pacemaker, so sitting for nearly 4 hours alone being nervous and scared wasn't fun, but I have found I always like to cope better on my own I knew I was doing  the right thing I felt I had prepared myself long ago, way back when I was admitted into hospital and told I would need a pacemaker at some point and had faced up to already. Waiting to go I was starving and feeling like such a big baby.

Things got even worse the nurse came to take blood from me and put in the venflon were she was shocked how bad my veins were, asking me to run my hand under the hot tap the veins she did try and use would just collapse so she gave up after another 3 nurses trying and failing I was like a pin cushion were they wrote it in my notes and left it for the theatre to do. I had literally just put my gown on and my lovely paper pants when the porter came to take me.

Lying on the bed in the same corridor I had been in three times before I was so happy when the lovely nurse Jeff came along from last time I had my ablation and recognised me right away were looking at my notes I had an ablation every year since 2013 all he could say was you haven't had much luck, my nerves were calmed straight away with Jeff who told me there was only 52 days left to Xmas  and the loud banging was just orthopaedics working, so that's what would happen if I broke my leg were my cardiologist had to remind him I worked in theatre hahaha after trying and failing a few times they finally got a Venflon in and led me to the table.

I never forget the table they make you lie on its high up and feels narrower each time you lie on it obviously It cant be but its like you forget how uncomfy it is, the lovely ecg lady who has been there throughout all my ablations placed the ecg stickers on me and always asked me how Kian is doing she asked if I wanted to see the pacemaker before they started were I said yes and was amazed how small it was but at the same time shocked that this was going to go inside my chest helping me put a hat on to keep my hair out the way  I was then giving antibiotics before it started my nerves were really kicking in the lovely reg who was helping my cardiologist came and spoke to me and explained I shouldn't feel it I would be numb and sedated but that the local anaesthetic doesn't work under the collar bone so I would feel pain but not for very long  and they would do there best to  make me as comfortable as possible when it came to that part he asked if I wanted him to explain what they were doing as they done it but If  I was asleep they would just leave me were I asked to just be sedated and not know anything that was happening part of me thinks it would of been good to know, but the scared part of me just wanted it to be over so giving the sedation the last I remember was then placing the oxygen mask over my face I didn't even feel the local going in and can't remember very much at all apart from the painful part were it was over in seconds like they promised and topped up my sedation. when It was over and my cardiologist asked if I was ok I don't even know what I said I just remember him laughing and saying yeah your fine your still very sleepy though, and then trying to roll myself were they reminded me they were going to do it all its the best feeling ever known its done you don't feel sore or anything the only way to explain it is like you've had one to many at the pub feeling so cold they gave me more blankets and put my slippers back on for me.

Wheeled back to the ward I slept but was awaking by the porter with a wheel chair to take me round for my chest xray, that's when the pain really kicked in of  trying to get out of bed and standing up having to put your arms round the xray machine was painful back in the ward I was giving painkillers I was feeling so weak still and needed the wheelchair and help from the nurses to get to the toilet, when I said to the nurses I was getting home the look I got were they said no you always stay in after a pacemaker, and that my xray had to be looked at to make sure my lungs were fine and nothing was damaged and also my pacemaker settings had to be adjusted, and its all done the next day but 2 seconds later my cardiologist turned up with the reg and a machine to adjust my pacemaker settings asking how I was feeling I was just sore were the reg reminded me its like I had a stab wound  so yeah it would be sore placing a monitor on my pacemaker which was so painful the ecg lady Jill had to take the weighed from the machine so it wasn't fully on my bandage a few clicks and my pacemaker was adjusted the battery was 100 percent everything was sorted and my xrays where fine  my cardiologist said I could go home but since u don't normally get home I did have to wait till 8o'clock and if my pain did become worse they knew about it before I got home.

The next few hours went in so quickly and around 7 the nurse got me up helped me dress  and yeah I didn't realise a bra strap would be so painful , the nurse made me have a little walk around the ward to make sure I was feeling ok I was giving my discharge letters my pacemaker card to keep in my purse and a booklet on pacemakers and wound care. and at ten to 8 I was free to go home I managed to walk to dougies car without feeling breathless or dizzy, the drive home with the seat belt was pretty sore and the first night sleeping was painful, my whole left side feels like its on fire and I am unable to move my arm but all things considered I thought it would be a lot worse so for now am taking each day at a time, I am hoping to turn all my cant's into can's and dreams into plans.

                                                                    Love and hugs

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