Wednesday 3 February 2016

Things having a bad heart has taught me

Being diagnosed with any chronic condition teaches you a lot of things in life, that without the struggles you wouldn't have been blessed and rewarded with the more positive and brighter things in life, When I was first diagnosed with my dodgy ticker I always found myself focusing on all the negatives, it really felt like my whole world had came crashing down, I couldn't see anything good in life, I was still the same person inside but it felt like my life had been stolen right in front of me not just physically with my heart, the fainting, unable to walk without breathlessness, but mentally, things I enjoyed and loved I just couldn't do or  the things I still could do I lost interest in,
You learn a new scale of pain and the inside out of the hospital from the sneaky shortcuts to when the nurses change shift to being in the same clinic and ward finding yourself looking at the same staff members who looked after you before, you grieve for abilities and opportunity's that you lost and so much more,  I found myself consumed by anger, sadness self pity and the worst one jealously, forever questioning why my heart couldn't be fixed, and it would only be made worse on the days of my ablations seeing  everyone else come back to the ward  and it was all a quick fix yet mine just couldn't be, I never understood and questioned why me ?  I  found It really hard to except it all, just hoping one day that would be me with a normal working heart,but without the struggles, I wouldn't have found some amazing friends or done half the things I have achieved. Look through each cloud for the silver lining and instead of focusing on all the negatives look for the positives that having a chronic illness has brought you.... And yeah you guessed it spoonies grab a cuppa, sit back, relax and here's some of the positive things having heart problems have taught me.

What True love really is

If it's there you've most likely discovered the meaning of true love, when you find that someone who fetches your medication in the middle of the night, sits till all hours in the night /morning as you lie on a hospital trolley holding your hand and doesn't leave your side, hugs you tight yet softly ,dresses and washes you when your unable to do it yourself, when they still say they love you even though yet again you have barely spent anytime together as you've spent most of it in bed or slumped on the sofa,when that someone looks into your eyes before surgery and says you will be fine, I love you, sees you at your worst, and mine has to be throwing up all over Dougie's brand new car after leaving hospital, having a chronic illness really puts a relationship to a whole new level and test, but if having heart problems has taught me anything Is the meaning of true love, poor Dougie does everything for me when I'm at my worst, like when I was in hospital and there was talk if my heart didn't increase at all with exercise my pacemaker couldn't wait and needed done right away, I had Dougie leaving work to bring me in a razor... I sound so vain considering I was in hospital with a heart rate of 36bpm and could barely stand up without passing out, but it was a must that I couldn't have my legs on show without them being shaved, and after my pacemaker I had him watching You Tube videos of putting hair up, because I couldn't do it... And that's true love right there for you, or Dougie might tell you a little different that he would never have heard the end of it if he didn't ha ha.

Compassion, when you experience a hardship, it makes you more empathetic to others

Living with an invisible illness yourself will have taught you that not all suffering and illness is visible and noticeable, you don't judge or comment when someone walks from their car parked in the disabled bay into the shop, even though there not in a wheelchair, that person may have chronic fatigue and struggle to make it back to that same car and bay later.You smile and let the woman who asks to go in front of you in the ladies toilets as despite appearances, you know she might have an invisible illness and needs the bathroom more desperate than you do. You don't judge when the man on the bus doesn't get up and give you his seat,  because maybe he needs it more than you do just because you don't see his swollen legs doesn't mean he's not hurting, that's compassion and without having problems yourself you wouldn't have looked at things from that perspective, you treat others how you yourself would like to be treated.

You form friendships with people sharing the same battle.

Without the struggles and illness you wouldn't be blessed with meeting others who are suffering exactly like you are, these people become great friends because they understand what it's like more than anyone else does or can imagine, I have been so lucky and found some amazing brilliant people in my life through the amazing support groups online, it's so nice when you go to an appointment have a bad day. or on the day of a test or procedure you have them at the end of a phone and they know exactly how you feel because they have been there done it and wore the Tshirt

Being grateful for the good days and small things .

Having a bad heart  makes you appreciate the good days you do have its so unpredictable you never know what it will be like from one day to the next, but the days your heart does  behave you appreciate and cherish that day, wither it be sitting on the sofa or hitting the shops, you make the most of the good days you do have and the small things that come along with it and when I say small things its always something simple like managing that shower or drying your hair.

 Courage,You are stronger than you think.

Having heart problems teaches you how strong You really are not everyone could deal with the things you have, so without it you would never have seen how strong you truly are and you know you can deal with anything that life throws your way.

The biggest lesson, I have leaned is what it's like to have a heart problem and the change its made to my whole life, things may take me longer, than an average person but it's not a race, it doesn't matter if you walk or crawl as long as you cross the finish line, achieve everything you've set out to do, don't let your problems take over the life you do have even if some days are harder than others there is always something good out there some days you just have to search that little bit harder.

What has having Heart problems or chronic illness taught you,?? I would love to hear some of yours


                                                                         Love and Hugs

                                                                        Find me also


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